Idiosyncrasy

Who knew I'd start to write again? Wait. Too soon to say, I might just end up writing this one piece and let it go for another 6 years LOL. At the age of 28, I can say I've been living my life steered by fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not doing enough. Fear of not saying enough. Fear of saying too much. Fear. It's completely normal, though, to have you making decisions out of instincts and having your heart telling you whether or not to go through with something. The people around you affects this decision. Your past affects this decision. That's what makes you, you. And I don't have a lot of things. Not the fanciest job. Not the fanciest lifestyle. Not the ultimate #instagrammable fairytale. But I'm okay with it. Because I have my passion. My passion that drives me, telling me that I'm worth so much more. That I'm capable of a lot of things. That one day, I can give back to people, with my ideas and beliefs. Yes, one day. Because as...

                There were days when I walked under the stars, I felt so blessed there are nights to make the stars shine so bright. There were days when there were only one or two little ones, but enough to make me smile. I always say "Cantiknya bintang malam ni." Most of the time I'd be alone but that one night, I had a friend with me. I'll always remember the reply she made, "Alaa, ada satu je pun." I may be bias towards my stars, but then I realised, the star did shine bright enough for me, but maybe she had much brighter ones plenty of time that this one little yellow light didn't bring any meaning to her.                  The time when I was young and dumb I always thought everyone is the same inside. May not be on the outside since I was always the odd one out for being one of the tallest and largest in primary school and no longer the tallest but always one of the largest in high school. I nev...

              Second semester in IIUM just ended few days ago and I was done emptying the room in Ruqayyah about few hours ago. As I put the gear on reverse and slowly looking back at the quite-old-but-still-quite-new building, I find it hard to leave. It might seem lame, because others might feel like leaving is the best part because you're going back to the place you're familiar with; home. While for me, it suddenly came to me that as I leave the area, I'm walking to a different path in less than 20 days. I'd be coming back as a different person, having something else to look up in my life, or I might not even come back at all.               It's overwhelming really, as you grow older, you're supposed to go wiser, but of course, you need lessons and changes to become wiser. For the past few months, many had happened and every single tiny bit of those actually created who I am today. Never mind how much I whi...

     Any countries are all about development now. Especially for those who are categorized under developing countries (Google them if you're unsure), including Malaysia. With the high expectation given from the former prime minister, Tun Dr. Mahathir, wanting Malaysia to be fully developed before the year 2020, every possible changes are made here and there. And this is a scribble of how I think it's not all great with changes.      Since my mum's sickness of thyroid cancer, I've been the errand runner in the house after my step dad. I basically helps her with cooking, shopping and driving. So the nearest market would be Giant, the store that has been there since I have not existed. Usually I would be by myself since it's tiring for mum to go up and down the stairs (living in an old apartment would be tiring when you live on the highest floor) and few days ago it was the same. When I was stepping out the car, I can see the elderly who has been working her...

     Karma. A word that I heard often but rarely use. The word that certain people like to believe that it'll bring positive changes to themselves. I won't say that exactly. Here, lets see what does it actually mean. Karma: the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding the fate in future existences  (Oxford Dictionary).      An event that occur few days ago that made me thinking, why do people believe in karma? Why would they hope that karma would give revenge to those who hurt them in the past? 89% of the time that I heard of this word, it would come with such hatred from these individuals. Karma originated from the culture of Hinduism or Buddhism. I would not say it's totally wrong to put karma as a belief because I'm not actually qualified to talk about the hukum in Islam. Even so, this is what I think of karma.      As I mentioned earlier, some people tend to rely on karma as...

     Excuse me, pardon me. Coming through. Okay just imagine that I'm walking through with an enormous broom on my hand (because vacuum is too mainstream) trying to sweep off all the 5-inch dust laying around my blogosphere. This should be the longest time I haven't written anything to squeeze out of my head and seriously, it's getting cramped up with opinions that I'm sure every each and one of you would hate. I'm gonna start tonight's post on something that I love: Language.      Language had always fascinated me. The idea of having few words joined together and making a sentence just blew me away off my feet. I'm even more astonished with the theory that a sentence could bring the same meaning even when you build them with different words entirely. That is why Thesaurus has been my all-time favourite book. Nevertheless, the trouble with the Grammar especially English is definitely overwhelming. I mean, where are the rules?! I graduated through high sch...

                 May be a bad start for me to clean the dust gathered around my blog with this kind of title, but I'm a free writer. People can judge (I know they will) all they want but here's my bits of thought of recent situation: "High-achiever Malay student facing a culture shock".            Since SPM is the biggest exam that became such an important issue that what ever comes out in that exam slip will decide how the younger generations' future will become, so whoever that went through the exam with flying colours became a legendary idol towards others. When moms and dads are busy comparing their kids to Amalina who managed to score 17A1 in her SPM, certain students feel so pressured that a 12 years old girl made a decision to hang herself out of the fear that she'd dissapoint her parents for not getting 7A's. Is this really the kind of thinking that we want to put in our future holders? Change your way...

            It has been extremely too long since my last post, but it's just something that I could not avoid since new semester had just started plus the condition of nothing to be written about. So this new post would be about something that doesn't need to be interesting for you guys should read it.            Since I moved from UiTM Lendu to IIUM Nilai, I was given a car from my parents for me to go back and forth easily without having to ask them to pick me up. The journey from KL to Nilai usually takes about 40 minutes if  I was too lazy to step on the accelerator, but reaching in less than 30 minutes is piece a cake for me. Using the MRR2 would be the easiest and fastest way. There would be nothing interesting about travelling on the same road almost every week, but something bugged me today.            It came to my senses, that everytime I take off from Nilai it would be around 12...

            Something that other people would call as internet on the go, most people would have a Blackberry or iPhone to make sure their Facebook notifications and Twitter mentions would not be missed. Not something that I would call an advantage since I'm not really into that social networking websites kind of stuff. I mean, I use them for daily basis but mostly to play the games. I know, call me lame. Anyhow, since people nowadays would answer 'I'm facebooking, or I'm tweeting' having smartphones would be the latest trend. Not that I'm jealous of them or anything like that, it's just that these advantages sometimes came along with their drawbacks. Situation 1.              I was out for dinner with my brother, his wife and kids. Can't resist to have my 2 year-old niece to sit beside me so she could scream for a Twisties that I bought that evening. While waiting for the ' Nasi Goreng Kampung...

            Since I've so much spare time during my short semester in Nilai, I'm trying to get back on track by blogging more often like I used to. Although I can't help to notice that my recent posts are more into my personal life where I've tried to avoid and successfully avoided them months back. So here, I'm gonna try to be more general so all of you silent readers could relate more to yourselves.             We all know that our lives are not just about being great and having fun all the time. There are ups and downs moments for us to endure throughout the time we are here on Allah's Almighty world. There aren't always laughter and smiles that we put on our faces when we step out the door, there are tears that sometimes we can't even put a stop to it. There are no exact ways to make the pain go away. There aren't exactly a manual provided for us about how to handle our ow...

            Although I think that the title has said it all, I'm pretty sure I have a lot more to say. There's a saying that goes as 'Experience is the best teacher'  and I'm 100% confident that every each of you has heard of this saying. This is one of the things that we've known for years and never bother to argue about it. Nevertheless we also never actually bother about the truth hidden behind these sayings. In Malay; 'Jauh perjalanan luas pemandangan' is quite accurate with the previous idiom. This 'pepatah' in Malay means when we travel more, we experience more on other things that we've never experienced before.             For all those 19 years of my life, I've never had any doubt in these sayings. Cause I've pretty much lived through these sayings. Experiences that I had since I was 7 till now had been the best teacher that taught me anything and everything that...

            Can't help but noticing that previous posts has been kinda personal and all about my life, which something that I've trying to avoid when I think that blogs should be more public and general so that readers could also relate to their own personal dilemmas. So I'm trying to pull myself to be on the right track again. Which I should start with this - smoking.             Here's whats happened. I had a terrible day today, the pain got into my head and I had a terrible headache. So I was asking myself, would it be better if I had a puff? I mean, I go everywhere and people keep telling me that the reason they really smoke cause it helps them to calm down. The problems they are having seems to go along with every puff that they release from their esophagus (to non-biology students out there, it's somewhere close to your throat). So, dear smokers, I'm not being sarcastic at all. Plain curiousity ...

            I shall start with a big sigh. The second week of the semester break is already closed to an end and I haven't done anything that I could call an achievement or even a satisfaction. It's not really a good feeling when you wake up in the morning (evening I would say) and thinking that there's nothing to do today than thinking what shall I type in my blog. Worst even, when the producers of How I Met Your Mother decides to put a break for the show until 20th of March, which at that time I'll be starting the short semester and not need any distraction to go through the day. Glee is starting to get boring. I knew I shouldn't have started. The only thing that kept me watching was some decent choice of songs that I think they sang it better than the original singer.              There are few things that I planned on doing but I don't see how it's going to be done The one that has been floating in my mind for t...

            It's official that holidays without friends and family are deep down boring. 3 weeks of semester break, and I've literally wasted a whole week by spending 5 days straight at home, succeeded not stepping even a foot outside and 2 days of driving for some groceries and spending 5 mins holding the Baby Marshmallow   during Aimah's baby welcoming ceremony. It was a heartbreaking moment again, when we gathered for photos, there was only 4 of us. Which makes it obvious that we don't have all of our friends with us. We didn't even need to squeeze ourselves to fit in the picture. It was really that bad. Sucks for UIA'ans for having semester break different than others.             I had my time on the computer. Plenty, I should say. More than enough that I can't even finish the game I'm playing cause I got bored of staring at the freaking monitor. I wanted to do something else so bad that sometimes I foun...

                                What's up dudes and dudettes. For those who recognise this very important in my life, good. For those who doesn't, this is someone who's very important in my life. Teeheee.                      Dear Raden Ain Nabilah, Happy 19th dear. I'm really sorry I couldn't post you any birthday presents, or even a card. I'd thought it would be lost somewhere around Taipei before it reaches Nashville. I thought e-cards are lame, although I think this collage is lame too, but atleast I put an effort in it. Heeeee.                     Throughout the process of this collage, first thing that came into my mind was, seriously, we don't have many photos of us together eventhough it has been 9 years since we became friends. Other than that, we have spoken to each oth...

            Never done this before, but somehow, it seems fun to do it for my upcoming 19th :)

            It's the story of the yellow shoes. Where the journey started..wait, this becoming a bit lame. Though I'm really exited about typing this one down, so please let me grin and continue with this journey of my yellow shoes.             It was a coincidence, wasn't looking for anything in particular or colour for that matter. In need of a new, proper shoes for me to walk around the campus since the previous shoes took less than a year to fail me despite of the price, mama dragged me to Sogo to find me the shoe that fit for my Caucasian-sized feet. The thing I knew for sure, black was not on my list. I was looking for something simple yet not boring. I mean, black is boring. Though I kinda regret that I didn't buy black since IIUM requires the student to wear black, I was in UiTM when I bought this pair of shoes. I saw the fuchsia Polo at first. Tried it on, walked about the...

Instruction : Once you are tagged, answer all the questions honestly. No lying or cheating. Starting time : 3:32am Name : An-Zurie Ayesya bt Abu Johan Brother(s) : 2 Eye colour : Dark Brown Shoe size : 9 Hair : Dark Brown Piercings : Yes Height : 169cm What are you wearing right now : turquoise baby top ans shorts Where do you live : Hulu Kelang, Kuala Lumpur Favourite number : 7 Favourite drink: Watermelon Juice Favourite month : January Favourite breakfast : Toast  -Have you ever- 1. Broken a bone : NO 2. Been in a police car : Nope 3. Fallen for a friend : Yup 4. Fallen for a guy/girl in a short period of time : Yeah 5. Swam in the ocean : Yezza 6. Fallen asleep in school : 24/7 7. Broken someone's heart : Did I? 8. Cried when someone died : Yeap 9. Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : Ahaa 10. Saved e-mails : Yes 11. Been cheated on : Yupp -What- 1. Your room look like : Something with a lot of stuff 2. What is right beside y...

An-Zurie Ayesya = Lonely             That equation doesn't sound quite right. Because for all the times I've ups and downs in life, I never felt so lonely until today. Today I realised that I don't have that really much friends to accompany me when my mates are already occupied with their own activities. With the lack of souls around the house since mama left for Hajj, my insanity seems to lose itself when I kept staring at the ceiling telling myself what should I do for today. I've spent hours interacting with the object others my age could not live without like laptops and music, still, I haven't find any satisfaction after hours browsing through ArmorGames , Zedge even. No need to mention Facebook and Twitter.             The funny thing is, it is such a coincidence that as I'm typing every word down, this song came out from my iTunes play list.             It...

I love you, so much, that 4 months are enough I love you, so much, that all the arguments doesn't matter I'll miss you, so much, I would cut myself into half, I'll miss you, so much, I hope without me, all would be better :) All the laughter and tears we had together, Will all be remembered here and after, Tease around, screams and shouts, Will always be heard in my mind loud and clear Thank you for the time we had Thank you for the moments we shared No one could replace you No one would disgrace you For the things we haven't done InsyaALLAH there will be some other time For those that we've had our fun, I'll keep them in my mind I'll miss everyone of you.     Lots of love,