What if my passion disappears?

Who knew I'd start to write again? Wait. Too soon to say, I might just end up writing this one piece and let it go for another 6 years LOL.

At the age of 28, I can say I've been living my life steered by fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not doing enough. Fear of not saying enough. Fear of saying too much. Fear. It's completely normal, though, to have you making decisions out of instincts and having your heart telling you whether or not to go through with something. The people around you affects this decision. Your past affects this decision. That's what makes you, you.

And I don't have a lot of things. Not the fanciest job. Not the fanciest lifestyle. Not the ultimate #instagrammable fairytale. But I'm okay with it. Because I have my passion. My passion that drives me, telling me that I'm worth so much more. That I'm capable of a lot of things. That one day, I can give back to people, with my ideas and beliefs. Yes, one day.

Because as of now, I'm still living with fear. Fear of maybe not having enough money to feed all my 6 kits. Fear of not having the extra cash in hand to be able to give out to someone in need. Fear of being homeless. Therefore, pursuing what I'm passionate for is a bit hard for now. Not so lucky yet in terms of being able to use my passion to put food on the table. So I tell myself, it's okay. You take your time to settle down. To prepare what you need. To reach that stage where you stop feeling scared. But I worry.

I worry that when that time comes, my passion is long gone. Either I'll be too old to remember, too sick to even care or worse, too changed that my passion runs out.

When you try things and they don't work out, time is wasted as you exhaust your resources. When you say out your ideas, you get shot down since you don't have the credentials. People will ignore you and laugh at you. And you may not be as passionate as you were anymore as your words were teared apart.

I have no answers to how I'm going to handle that if it happens. I have no consolation words to tell myself otherwise. As of now, I'm still living with fear. Fear of the many unknowns.

People say I think too much about the things I shouldn't,

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