Idiosyncrasy

            It's the story of the yellow shoes. Where the journey started..wait, this becoming a bit lame. Though I'm really exited about typing this one down, so please let me grin and continue with this journey of my yellow shoes.             It was a coincidence, wasn't looking for anything in particular or colour for that matter. In need of a new, proper shoes for me to walk around the campus since the previous shoes took less than a year to fail me despite of the price, mama dragged me to Sogo to find me the shoe that fit for my Caucasian-sized feet. The thing I knew for sure, black was not on my list. I was looking for something simple yet not boring. I mean, black is boring. Though I kinda regret that I didn't buy black since IIUM requires the student to wear black, I was in UiTM when I bought this pair of shoes. I saw the fuchsia Polo at first. Tried it on, walked about the...

Instruction : Once you are tagged, answer all the questions honestly. No lying or cheating. Starting time : 3:32am Name : An-Zurie Ayesya bt Abu Johan Brother(s) : 2 Eye colour : Dark Brown Shoe size : 9 Hair : Dark Brown Piercings : Yes Height : 169cm What are you wearing right now : turquoise baby top ans shorts Where do you live : Hulu Kelang, Kuala Lumpur Favourite number : 7 Favourite drink: Watermelon Juice Favourite month : January Favourite breakfast : Toast  -Have you ever- 1. Broken a bone : NO 2. Been in a police car : Nope 3. Fallen for a friend : Yup 4. Fallen for a guy/girl in a short period of time : Yeah 5. Swam in the ocean : Yezza 6. Fallen asleep in school : 24/7 7. Broken someone's heart : Did I? 8. Cried when someone died : Yeap 9. Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : Ahaa 10. Saved e-mails : Yes 11. Been cheated on : Yupp -What- 1. Your room look like : Something with a lot of stuff 2. What is right beside y...

An-Zurie Ayesya = Lonely             That equation doesn't sound quite right. Because for all the times I've ups and downs in life, I never felt so lonely until today. Today I realised that I don't have that really much friends to accompany me when my mates are already occupied with their own activities. With the lack of souls around the house since mama left for Hajj, my insanity seems to lose itself when I kept staring at the ceiling telling myself what should I do for today. I've spent hours interacting with the object others my age could not live without like laptops and music, still, I haven't find any satisfaction after hours browsing through ArmorGames , Zedge even. No need to mention Facebook and Twitter.             The funny thing is, it is such a coincidence that as I'm typing every word down, this song came out from my iTunes play list.             It...

I love you, so much, that 4 months are enough I love you, so much, that all the arguments doesn't matter I'll miss you, so much, I would cut myself into half, I'll miss you, so much, I hope without me, all would be better :) All the laughter and tears we had together, Will all be remembered here and after, Tease around, screams and shouts, Will always be heard in my mind loud and clear Thank you for the time we had Thank you for the moments we shared No one could replace you No one would disgrace you For the things we haven't done InsyaALLAH there will be some other time For those that we've had our fun, I'll keep them in my mind I'll miss everyone of you.     Lots of love,

            At the age of age of 18, I'm feeling lifeless and bored. Chasing what they call 'fun' and 'success' in life. I'm the one who walks around wondering what to do next, not really the next 5 minutes, but the next 5 years. I'm the one who wonders around walking by myself, trying to figure out my own instincts. I want to chase my dreams, but it seems to run far away from me. I could not even see the sight of my-so-called ambition anymore. It all seem to fade away. I don't even know if it's even possible to achieve my dreams.             Despite all these whining, I'm gonna have to stay on the positive side of the track of life. I would not want to add grief to my depression. I could actually see a stick figure coming towards me with a yellow Sharpie, drawing a grin on my face with my teeth showing as the way I like it. I'm surely gonna walk around doing my daily duties with more confidence and most likely more...

                 But it hurts, deeply, almost throughly, across, vertically not to mention horizontally through my heart. I'm too filled with emotions, having no much more than a particle thick of rationality. Sure, a smile or should I say a grin surfaced after you said you did recognised me. We were kiddos, but our reminiscence still remains as if it was only yesterday. Would you even know how much our friendship meant to me?                  Although it's not all rainbows when you're back in my scope of vision. It has been too long since we last talked to each other, or ride bicycles with one another. It has been too long when we fought about who's wrong and who's right. Too long. I still have some sense of rationality, when I know you wouldn't remember these moments. Cause it wasn't as special to you as it was to me.               ...

            When 4 different people has to live under the same roof, it is chaos. Lucky the other 3 the can mix up pretty well since they think and act the same way in pretty much everything. Too bad for the other person who has to live up with the other 3. Why do I have to be the one person who stands alone? Cause I chose to. There will be no details needed for this since I have no intention to spread out any negativity throughout the world. Thus, this is my prayer.            Dear ALLAH Al Mighty, replace them 3 and let me stay with peace for another 5 semesters in this lovely room that I'm so thankful for.  :)

            Hypothetically, I'm a loser. There. I said it out loud. Not exactly. I typed it out in bold. Talking about being sarcastic. It has been days, weeks now, that I've been supressing my feelings. Atleast trying to. Since it's really hard to keep quiet for so long about something that you can't actually hold on to.             When there is no one for you to hold, or actually anything for to rely on, I must say, there would be none than an inch think of strength in me now. Forcing myself to do something that I have no interest in. Or even trying to hold in the madness in me that I have towards the people around me, it's really tenseful.             Though I know so well, no matter how much I whine about them, I would still have to go through all those things. Have been thinking that wasting my time crying and...

           The bits and pieces came back bit by bit. I lost my sense of rationality for two days now. Why oh why, it had to come back after years I tried not to think about it. That moment it showed itself, I felt my breathing stopped and blood rushing through my veins simultaneously. I'm trying very hard to make sure I keep my sanity with me. Have you had the feeling of wanting and denying at the same time? If I'm allowed to state this as the worst feeling a homosapien could feel, I would ban any aspects that could let this happen.            I'm gonna keep this short, cause it's obviously not going to be sweet. For now, I'm just gonna stick with my desire to stare and stalk 24/7 although it is definitely wrong. Though I hope, dated 23rd July 2010, I would slash, and scratch and rip off even the tiniest bit that relates to it. Please, say goodbye.

            Amigas; plural for friends in Spanish. I have this one obsession about Spanish language. Never had any chance learning them yet since the head principle of Logan Park High School didn't let me take the class when I was in Year 10. She thought it would be hard for me because English is already my second language as she thought that Malaysia don't teach English as a compulsory subject in schools. Well too bad for me.             As I was saying, friends; this particular topic always attract me in any aspect at all. It's just an ingredient of life that I could never figured out of. The moment I started having memories of friends, always change the theories of what friends are, really. I used to think friends need to see each other everyday, play and talk all day. I used to think that every person you play with and talk with is your friend. I thought that having more friends are better th...

           Not that I truly believe in this kind of crap. It's just after all these years, I have put number 7 as my favourite number. Sometimes I even call it as my lucky number 7 . It's so attractive, I love it when every time I chose, picked or got a 7 . And as my life as boring as it is now, going through all those personality shits in Facebook, I found this. Unsurprisingly, I was astonished to find this :) Love ya 7 ! Can I find a cellphone number that consist only 7's?  

              It's not very pleasing, honestly. For most people, love would probably be so wonderful, they couldn't even see anything better in their life. Too bad I must say, it's the other way around for me. Not that I hate it. It's just what happens when you keep falling for the same person over and over again. Tiring it is, rather annoying too. It's neither because he's being an ass nor I can't find anyone else. The bouncing as if  I was on a trampoline that I can't stand.                             I mean, getting over the years, I kept on putting myself in the same position over and over again. You know, falling and getting back up again without no hands given to me.              I loved him, got over him, fall in love again, got mad and moved on. And yes, falling in love again and it seems like I have to try to get ove...

Oh wait, still trying. I'm trying hard, to get back on track where I was running on before. I mean, the writing, the reading and the photography things have stopped for quite a while. My mind got blew off from all those similar ideas of spending my time with beneficial hobbies since two months ago. I have no idea why though, I wouldn't say it's just boredom all the way, it's simply cause my time has been spent to other else. I was working for a while, which was not worth it since the pay is none bigger than a particle, while the work were so much, I think I was already working for 2 years! The environment was depressing, lots of international workers that it made me felt like I was the one who travelled to another country for a job. But it was truly an experience, I gained some, I lost some too. Since I never learnt that I'm bad at financial discipline. I only realised that I could not handle cashes on my own after RM 300 too late. Oh well, let by gone be by gone.  ...

I've been trying so hard, proving to people around me that I love old movies better, old cartoons better, and definitely, old songs better. And, the list are actually longer than that, I must be such a lame person ae? Too bad! Haha! Listening to Fixing a Hole - The Beatles,

I didn't even have a nap last night, my eyes kept blinking staring at the empty ceiling thinking off all the little details in every single corner in my life. Some were curvy, most of them had sharp edges. The clock ticked abruptly. I know it was 5 to 6 o'clock in the morning. I gave up at that point after 2 hours laying down on the bed trying to have at least a short nap so I got up from the bed, walked to the bathroom and washed up myself. I did shiver for 20 seconds, but then I loved all the drops of early morning shower. 6.17a.m. Every single soul in the house were snoring. I was bored to death that I saw the car keys hanging on the walls. Yeah, I grabbed them and ran for the door, and yes, I don't have any driving license at what sort at all. Though I was determined that I'm going to drive that Savvy to that Mamak stall that was atleast 20 minutes away at 50km/h. I went through a round about than I switched on to Fly FM. During the back and forth 50 minutes of ille...

It has been a while since I last typed my thoughts on this virtual page. My brain is pretty much clogged by a high intensity of confusion and concentrated problems in decisions-making. I'll just say I'm in a quite disarray. Despite all the time in the world that I currently own, I'm in a terrible boredom that actually left me in a surprise that I would do anything to get out side of my own house. Though thinking through the words and phrases that I will need so that mum would let me out always erased off all the desire. I wouldn't blame my friends if I never came to their mind when they need someone to hangout with, cause I always let them long for the confirmation till the very last minute. I might sound like a loser being 18 but still need her mum's permission step a foot anywhere at all. Oh well. I'm behind schedule in everything. I really wonder where did all my hours and minutes went. My baking classes that were supposed to fill up my days were canceled...