Breathing in a different world
It has been a while since I last typed my thoughts on this virtual page. My brain is pretty much clogged by a high intensity of confusion and concentrated problems in decisions-making. I'll just say I'm in a quite disarray.
Despite all the time in the world that I currently own, I'm in a terrible boredom that actually left me in a surprise that I would do anything to get out side of my own house. Though thinking through the words and phrases that I will need so that mum would let me out always erased off all the desire. I wouldn't blame my friends if I never came to their mind when they need someone to hangout with, cause I always let them long for the confirmation till the very last minute. I might sound like a loser being 18 but still need her mum's permission step a foot anywhere at all. Oh well.
I'm behind schedule in everything. I really wonder where did all my hours and minutes went. My baking classes that were supposed to fill up my days were canceled. It was claimed the chefs were sick, I'm not so sure whether they were coincidence or just a plain lie. I'm still in my driving lessons and I don't think I would be holding a driving license anytime soon. Having my father being such an emotional and complaining that I've never want to try to spend any time with him gives me such a headache that I need to cater for his needs in such a far distance since my mother and my father have divorced. Not that I don't bother about his feelings but I can only handle everyone and everything at once if I were better in multitasking. Too bad I'm not. All his words that I don't care about he feels and don't bother to see him often really disturb the plan to work at any bookstore nearby starting next month so I'll have my own pocket money. I mean, a job would leave me with less time to come and visit him. I think I'm in a bigger disarray when I think about it even more.
Plus, thinking of the different paths that I will need to start to choose in a few months time leaves me restless/ I mean, the thoughts of knowing SPM results would be out in 2 months time, more or less left me with quite an anxiousness. Now, I'm sure about all the words in articles that mention 'the teenager phase is the most confusing, hard and emotional part in a man's life'. I'm in all those feelings I mentioned. I do have all the plans for my next 5 years and 10 years though I'm in such an alert so that I would not be lost or have a mentally and emotionally breakdown if any of those plan don't work out. Or I should also say, I don't have that high of confidence about how my life would turn out. All these career choosing, life organizing, leave me in a deep confusion.
Despite all the time in the world that I currently own, I'm in a terrible boredom that actually left me in a surprise that I would do anything to get out side of my own house. Though thinking through the words and phrases that I will need so that mum would let me out always erased off all the desire. I wouldn't blame my friends if I never came to their mind when they need someone to hangout with, cause I always let them long for the confirmation till the very last minute. I might sound like a loser being 18 but still need her mum's permission step a foot anywhere at all. Oh well.
I'm behind schedule in everything. I really wonder where did all my hours and minutes went. My baking classes that were supposed to fill up my days were canceled. It was claimed the chefs were sick, I'm not so sure whether they were coincidence or just a plain lie. I'm still in my driving lessons and I don't think I would be holding a driving license anytime soon. Having my father being such an emotional and complaining that I've never want to try to spend any time with him gives me such a headache that I need to cater for his needs in such a far distance since my mother and my father have divorced. Not that I don't bother about his feelings but I can only handle everyone and everything at once if I were better in multitasking. Too bad I'm not. All his words that I don't care about he feels and don't bother to see him often really disturb the plan to work at any bookstore nearby starting next month so I'll have my own pocket money. I mean, a job would leave me with less time to come and visit him. I think I'm in a bigger disarray when I think about it even more.
Plus, thinking of the different paths that I will need to start to choose in a few months time leaves me restless/ I mean, the thoughts of knowing SPM results would be out in 2 months time, more or less left me with quite an anxiousness. Now, I'm sure about all the words in articles that mention 'the teenager phase is the most confusing, hard and emotional part in a man's life'. I'm in all those feelings I mentioned. I do have all the plans for my next 5 years and 10 years though I'm in such an alert so that I would not be lost or have a mentally and emotionally breakdown if any of those plan don't work out. Or I should also say, I don't have that high of confidence about how my life would turn out. All these career choosing, life organizing, leave me in a deep confusion.
Ya ALLAH, bantulah hambaMU yang lemah ini dalam menempuh semua halangan dan cabaran
1cm thick of confidence, a little bit more for hope,
Comments
mahu tp malu haha
choices? mmg life is all about making decisions la babe..
keep moving forward je larrr
;D