Idiosyncrasy

Aku dalam dilema yang menyesakkan nafas, membengkakkan otak dan menyakitkan hati. Kenapa setiap kali dalam sesebuah pemilihan tuh menjadikan hidup kau miserable? Maybe bukan kau, tapi aku yakin dan arif bahawa 98.9% orang dalam dunia nih akan mendapat tekanan perasaan dalam bab-bab memilih. Secara general, benda-benda harian yang kau lalui, choice kau utk menu lunch harini, atau apa yang patut kau masak utk suami kau yang bakal pulang dari kerja dengan muka tension dan keletihan menyelubungi diri lepas stuck dalam jam for hours. Yang berbeza hanya level tekanan perasaan kau dan the way you tackle the problem. Kau orang semua tahu, pilihan yang kau dah highlight tuh, akan determine the way your life goes until the next choices comes to you. Dan sehingga itu, apa saja kesan, buruk baik, tahi atau bunga, you made your own choice kan? So kau nak blame siapa kalau kau salah pilih? Apa-apa je keadaan, lelaki nak pilih isteri, perempuan nak pilih laki, mak nak pilih menantu, bos nak pilih e...

Not dissing anyone in particular, just having a full analysis of myself, myself and only. It has been ages since my days with people in surrounding having a British accent, remarkable vocabs, and definitely people to correct my imperfection in English. Not that my English was horrible that I have to walk around with dictionaries in my hand and have my grammar corrected by anyone who walks by, but they thought I was. I think I've changed those Caucasian's and Maori's thoughts. Not so much difference here, we talk in English just no so much, thus my English starts to fade eventually. Not totally, but probably half of them. I'm using simple vocabs, and sometimes I still misspelled, which somehow quite embarrassing for me cause I used to excel in my English with flying colours. I have grammar mistakes too, that sure puts me in deep confusion. It is possible, to be losing your ability in anything. I mean, today you might be a math geek and who knows in 3 years time you m...

Sebab title post kali nih mengenai anak Melayu, jadi aku akan menaip dalam bahasa Melayu. Kira-kira pada pukul 1630, Sabtu, 12 September 2009 dimana aku dalam perjalanan nak pulang ke rumah. Sebagai anak watan yang masih belum berkemampuan nak membeli sebuah kereta untuk mengulang alik kemana sahaja, jadi pilihan terbaik adalah LRT. Dari Masjid Jamek ke Wangsa Maju, dengan tiket plastik yang dah usang kerana di guna mungkin berpuluh-puluh kali oleh berbagai jenis manusia yang berharga RM2.10, aku yang ibarat sudah tercabut urat betis akibat perjalanan yang amat jauh untuk menemani kakak tiri aku untuk mencari sehelai tudung yang berharga RM10, mengucap kata syukur sebab masih terdapat tempat duduk utk aku melabuhkan punggung. Akibat penat yang teramat, aku tak mengeluarkan sepatah kata dengan kakak tiri ku itu, walaupun untuk menegur bagaimana dia tersengguk-sengguk dalam tren sebab mengantuk. Namun aku tetap memasang telinga dan mata ku tetap melilau sekitar tren tersebut. Berada 2 ...

All the problems have been settled. True, I need to lower down my ego and just make the call. Although I'm hoping that I won't be the only one that dropped down my ego in the future and I'm not regretting the stuff I jot down cause, its kinda the reason we are talking again. So now, no more problems at the moment, except for my major examination. SPM. 48 days to go peeps, roll up your sleeves and prepare to read!  Not actually reading myself :P ,

I am in a situation where I feel so annoyed with what happened around me. Though I admit, this is not the best move I've taken to show off my maturity. Knowing I've been lied right in front of my face for the whole 2 months was overwhelming, yet as I said before, being an ass for 3 days in a row by not calling, or even bother to hi wasn't the best thing to do. The news did hit me pretty bad, since I'm so closed to him as I thought we were best friends. He gave an excuse but it wasn't enough. I have my own reasons to feel hurt deeply, but sooner or later I will come to my senses and give him a call to say sorry for being too emotional about the whole thing. Soon, hopefully. I don't wanna think back that a highly foolish and immature action that call our friendship to an end. I am annoyed, not with him, but the other 'friend' of mine. I wouldn't call her as a friend actually, since she never thinks me as hers. I used to care so much of her, I forgo...

Sorry, bukan pandai sangat dialek kedah nih. Sikit-sikit boleh lah. Nak cerita sikit benda yang aku fed up sangat since the day of exam started. Umm..tak jugak..2 weeks after exam started. Elok2 dalam kelas, SPM candidates science stream kena pindah masuk dewan pulak lepas budak PMR abes exam. Oklah, seronok jugak, sebab dpt duduk sebelah "ehem2" and asyik berpegangan tangan (padahal passing stapler je =_=") Dia nak bukak mulut nak pinjam stapler dengan aku pon dah cukup baik. Opss, back to the main point. Nak dijadikan cerita, aku duk depan sekali, and tak tau lah pasal apa, rasa tak seronok sangat. Mainly sebab hamba ALLAH kelas 5E sangat lah menyakitkan hati, memekakkan telinga dan menyemakkan kepala. Kalau tak bersiul, bercakap, kalau tak bergendang, main pen. Siap meniru! Hey, bukan main tuduh kot sedap mulut, memang terbukti sah. Tapi kalau aku bagitau pon macam tak guna, cause no one actually care. Tuh bosan exam dlm dewan! ARGGGHHH! Memang ikutkan hati aku nak t...

Aku rasa lah, well..because it's not with me right now, or my room, or even in my handbag. Tried to call cause i remember I didn't put it on silent as I always do. Kenapa? bukan sebab takut mama dengar asyik ada org contact, sebab memang takda sape nak contact. Sejak-sejak orang tuh jauh di perantauan, aku dengan hp ibarat kanak-kanak dengan..umm..let's say dengan books. Sometimes they get excited with the colours and drawings in there, but when it comes to reading, not much of them will hang around books all the time. Agak risau lah, sebab nanti mama bising and aku malas nak beli simcard banyak kali. Tapi tak delah sampai tahap tak keruan. Hari ini dah dua kali aku abandoned handphone Sony Ericsson K800 tuh. Actually I've been doing that for ages sebab I'm not fond of that particular cell. Tapi hari ini sangat obvious that I don't care about the phone since I didn't realise I left my phone on a table in a restaurant. Never been that careless when it come...

I wouldn't mind a Proton Savvy, or Perodua Myvi (although I don't actually like the Transformers back of the Myvi) Seeing my cousins and my peers driving around the area, jealousy did come across my mind. But it wasn't so bad. Being 17 and no driving license, I still can bear the desire driving a car. But last 2 days, the feeling of wanting to have my own vehicle and driving license in my hand was maximised. That beautiful day, with some wind flowing, lasted for only few minutes. I was standing beside the road, with my red bag, and a book in my hand. I was wearing a baju kurung, the wind didn't do any much help. I was waiting for a cab to show up. 5 mins, 10 mins, none of them came. The sun didn't shine for long, either. It was raining then. I was anxious, and literally cursing over the cabs. No cabs, no one to take a ride, my parents are busy with their work, I don't want sweat all over my body and walking under the pouring rain would be the worst thing to do...

Aku benci dengan kau cicak. Kau sgt menjengkelkan. Kau ronda dapur aku seperti kau polis patrol. Kau melangkah dgn bangganya atas lantai rumah aku macam kau bayar sewa. Kau tak malu buat bunyi utk bagitahu kau ada di atas siling rumah aku. Cicak, kau menjadi sebab aku mencarut dalam rumah, kau menjadi sebab aku menjerit mcm budak perempuan. Kau juga menjadi sebab aku takut nak bukak almari dapur. Kau kurang ajar cicak. Aku trauma dengan kau cicak. Kau berada di bawah tapak kaki aku masa aku nak basuh pinggan, kau bodoh. Aku kesian, ingat kau getah. Apa lagi. Aku lenyek abes2. Ingatkan getah. Tapi aku rasa darah. Aku tgk bawah. Kau dah lari, darah kau kau tak malu tinggalkan atas lantai dapur aku. Ekor kau tanpa segan silu menjentik-jentik tergedik-gedik bergerak-gerak. Aku benci kau cicak. Cicak, kau jahat. Kau buat aku benci pada Iguana. Dia tak salah. Tapi aku benci dia. Kau jahat cicak, kau berak atas kabinet dapur aku. Kau kejam cicak. Cicak, aku minta maaf sebab ganggu kau...

Aku sekarang sedang menarik nafas sepanjang mungkin, panjang yang melampau sehinggakan aku rasa aku boleh koma. Di sini aku nak sampaikan satu pesanan, kau nak prank orang, tolong arh jangan cakap pasal mati..lagi-lagi orang yg dimatikan tuh org yg kau sayang.. lagi satu! kau baca message lain kali, baca penuh-penuh! jangan sekerat-sekerat..kau tekan sampai bawahh MAXIMUM! ada paham?! Ya, aku admit, aku mangsa keganasan penipuan di bawah akta April 1. HASMIDA, esok kat sekolah siap kau!

Sebab aku dah jumpa my long lost friend gara-gara chilanat mana yang curi N73 aku! Tengah nangis sekarang nih sbb dah lama tak tengok diorang..

I'm phenomenally thrilled, excited and in love! Seriously, the feeling is indescribable. I am so in love, I'm drooling all over him. I can't even move my eyes for a nano second from the beautifully drawn face. All the good things he brings in my life, I couldn't say enough thanks. For years that I waited for his existence in my life, after very long searches, countless locations, but then I came home full of frustrations. I was about to give up, and just no longer craving for his love in my lonely life. I never felt so gloomy in my 17 years of breathing. Then, in this bookstore, I saw them. Yes, so many of them. My eyes were very sore to look for the one that I have been desiring. I look through the eyes but it was an unfortunate that they were not any of them that I would call "the one". I looked down and walked away, Who knew, the days passed so slowly, and I walked to the same bookstore. I wasn't looking, not even seeking, for the one anymore. Ca...