Idiosyncrasy

I love you, so much, that 4 months are enough I love you, so much, that all the arguments doesn't matter I'll miss you, so much, I would cut myself into half, I'll miss you, so much, I hope without me, all would be better :) All the laughter and tears we had together, Will all be remembered here and after, Tease around, screams and shouts, Will always be heard in my mind loud and clear Thank you for the time we had Thank you for the moments we shared No one could replace you No one would disgrace you For the things we haven't done InsyaALLAH there will be some other time For those that we've had our fun, I'll keep them in my mind I'll miss everyone of you.     Lots of love,

            At the age of age of 18, I'm feeling lifeless and bored. Chasing what they call 'fun' and 'success' in life. I'm the one who walks around wondering what to do next, not really the next 5 minutes, but the next 5 years. I'm the one who wonders around walking by myself, trying to figure out my own instincts. I want to chase my dreams, but it seems to run far away from me. I could not even see the sight of my-so-called ambition anymore. It all seem to fade away. I don't even know if it's even possible to achieve my dreams.             Despite all these whining, I'm gonna have to stay on the positive side of the track of life. I would not want to add grief to my depression. I could actually see a stick figure coming towards me with a yellow Sharpie, drawing a grin on my face with my teeth showing as the way I like it. I'm surely gonna walk around doing my daily duties with more confidence and most likely more...

                 But it hurts, deeply, almost throughly, across, vertically not to mention horizontally through my heart. I'm too filled with emotions, having no much more than a particle thick of rationality. Sure, a smile or should I say a grin surfaced after you said you did recognised me. We were kiddos, but our reminiscence still remains as if it was only yesterday. Would you even know how much our friendship meant to me?                  Although it's not all rainbows when you're back in my scope of vision. It has been too long since we last talked to each other, or ride bicycles with one another. It has been too long when we fought about who's wrong and who's right. Too long. I still have some sense of rationality, when I know you wouldn't remember these moments. Cause it wasn't as special to you as it was to me.               ...

            When 4 different people has to live under the same roof, it is chaos. Lucky the other 3 the can mix up pretty well since they think and act the same way in pretty much everything. Too bad for the other person who has to live up with the other 3. Why do I have to be the one person who stands alone? Cause I chose to. There will be no details needed for this since I have no intention to spread out any negativity throughout the world. Thus, this is my prayer.            Dear ALLAH Al Mighty, replace them 3 and let me stay with peace for another 5 semesters in this lovely room that I'm so thankful for.  :)

            Hypothetically, I'm a loser. There. I said it out loud. Not exactly. I typed it out in bold. Talking about being sarcastic. It has been days, weeks now, that I've been supressing my feelings. Atleast trying to. Since it's really hard to keep quiet for so long about something that you can't actually hold on to.             When there is no one for you to hold, or actually anything for to rely on, I must say, there would be none than an inch think of strength in me now. Forcing myself to do something that I have no interest in. Or even trying to hold in the madness in me that I have towards the people around me, it's really tenseful.             Though I know so well, no matter how much I whine about them, I would still have to go through all those things. Have been thinking that wasting my time crying and...

           The bits and pieces came back bit by bit. I lost my sense of rationality for two days now. Why oh why, it had to come back after years I tried not to think about it. That moment it showed itself, I felt my breathing stopped and blood rushing through my veins simultaneously. I'm trying very hard to make sure I keep my sanity with me. Have you had the feeling of wanting and denying at the same time? If I'm allowed to state this as the worst feeling a homosapien could feel, I would ban any aspects that could let this happen.            I'm gonna keep this short, cause it's obviously not going to be sweet. For now, I'm just gonna stick with my desire to stare and stalk 24/7 although it is definitely wrong. Though I hope, dated 23rd July 2010, I would slash, and scratch and rip off even the tiniest bit that relates to it. Please, say goodbye.

            Amigas; plural for friends in Spanish. I have this one obsession about Spanish language. Never had any chance learning them yet since the head principle of Logan Park High School didn't let me take the class when I was in Year 10. She thought it would be hard for me because English is already my second language as she thought that Malaysia don't teach English as a compulsory subject in schools. Well too bad for me.             As I was saying, friends; this particular topic always attract me in any aspect at all. It's just an ingredient of life that I could never figured out of. The moment I started having memories of friends, always change the theories of what friends are, really. I used to think friends need to see each other everyday, play and talk all day. I used to think that every person you play with and talk with is your friend. I thought that having more friends are better th...