Idiosyncrasy

Of course, you are perfect

2012-01-05T00:25:00.001+08:00

May be a bad start for me to clean the dust gathered around my blog with this kind of title, but I'm a free writer. People can judge (I know they will) all they want but here's my bits of thought of recent situation: "High-achiever Malay student facing a culture shock".

Since SPM is the biggest exam that became such an important issue that what ever comes out in that exam slip will decide how the younger generations' future will become, so whoever that went through the exam with flying colours became a legendary idol towards others. When moms and dads are busy comparing their kids to Amalina who managed to score 17A1 in her SPM, certain students feel so pressured that a 12 years old girl made a decision to hang herself out of the fear that she'd dissapoint her parents for not getting 7A's. Is this really the kind of thinking that we want to put in our future holders? Change your way of thinking dear Malays.

You see, I'm not against Malays. Or simply betraying my country and my race. I still remember the land I grew up in, despite the little details of history kept in my mind. I'm just bad in history. I'm just a lil dissapointed with the way of thinking that they bring. Years back, Amalina's name was huge because of her achievement. People looked up to her and made her an idol of education. She was sent by the government to study in high-end universities by hoping she'll later will serve for her country. All attention were given to her without she's asking for it and now, the media ambushed her house when she was in UK while the family had to face with the problems.

My point is just to leave her alone. Not that I'm with her decisions and support her all the way. I'm just highlighting a question on who are we to judge what she was and what she has become. Rather than blaming and pointing fingers to her from thousand miles away, why don't we start with the people beside us? Have you seen the students nowadays? Partying in clubs, drinking, making out and proudly published them publicly. Amalina is somebody's daughter. So as these young adults we see everyday in front of our eyes. And there's no media exposing all of these? No culture-shock-changing issues?

People make mistakes. I bet you do too and I am not excluded. Why do we need to focus on peoples' mistakes and forget about ours? Of course, giving advice is something we should do. Just we need to correct our motive which is to help, not to embarrass. Mahatma Gandhi once said 'be the change you want to see in the world'. The first step we have to take is to judge ourselves before judging anyone. Let's start with the man in the mirror.

Memorizing the lyrics,

So much for a 'Split Second' Importance

2011-06-24T22:02:00.000+08:00

It has been extremely too long since my last post, but it's just something that I could not avoid since new semester had just started plus the condition of nothing to be written about. So this new post would be about something that doesn't need to be interesting for you guys should read it.

Since I moved from UiTM Lendu to IIUM Nilai, I was given a car from my parents for me to go back and forth easily without having to ask them to pick me up. The journey from KL to Nilai usually takes about 40 minutes if I was too lazy to step on the accelerator, but reaching in less than 30 minutes is piece a cake for me. Using the MRR2 would be the easiest and fastest way. There would be nothing interesting about travelling on the same road almost every week, but something bugged me today.

It came to my senses, that everytime I take off from Nilai it would be around 12.30 - 1 in the afternoon. Couldn't be bothered to drive in the morning but too long to wait until the sun goes down in the evening. So the first toll would be Nilai's. Nothing amusing happened till I reached the Sungai Besi toll. Most of the time that I drive from Nilai to KL on a Friday, there would be an ambulance, putting on the siren that indicates that there's an emergency. Up until today, I've heard and seen 3 ambulances going through the same toll on the same day. I'm not so sure about any other day though.

Giving way to this ambulance wouldn't be so easy when every body's lining up for the toll and an ambulance came out from nowhere trying to cut in the line. It's not the cutting that worries me. I mean, it's common sense that an ambulance would need to reach somewhere asap for it's the matter of life and death.
The thing that gives me a headache, with the Malaysia's status a developing country, with the increasing achievement in high-tech facilities and gadgets, and to be more specific with the creation of 'Touch-n-Go' and in fact, 'Smart-Tag', an ambulance that needs nothing to stop them from reaching to a destination and a 'Split Second' would change everything, why can't the government sector provide them with these needs? I mean, even for me, having my own 'TnG' is very helpful and helps me to avoid jam during the peak holiday seasons, why can't they have one in their hands?

If it's anything about the payments or buying to be done (since the government sectors are very cheapskates in certain things) one card only cost RM10 and it can be used until it's void which is most probably in another 10 years. Plus, having a TnG card would make it easier for the accountants to budget up the toll fees since it's a prepaid system. So instead of lining up for the Sungai Besi toll, please figure out any kind of way that will save the few minutes spent on looking for exact cash and waiting for the change.

So much more to cope with dear Malaysia,

Since Tweet & Facebook is now a verb

2011-04-27T21:18:00.002+08:00

Something that other people would call as internet on the go, most people would have a Blackberry or iPhone to make sure their Facebook notifications and Twitter mentions would not be missed. Not something that I would call an advantage since I'm not really into that social networking websites kind of stuff. I mean, I use them for daily basis but mostly to play the games. I know, call me lame. Anyhow, since people nowadays would answer 'I'm facebooking, or I'm tweeting' having smartphones would be the latest trend. Not that I'm jealous of them or anything like that, it's just that these advantages sometimes came along with their drawbacks.

Situation 1.

I was out for dinner with my brother, his wife and kids. Can't resist to have my 2 year-old niece to sit beside me so she could scream for a Twisties that I bought that evening. While waiting for the 'Nasi Goreng Kampung extra Pedas' I can't help looking and listening to the couple in front of me. The wife was holding their, I would say 14 months old baby boy, facing the husband, who was laid back on the rattan chair while hanging tight to his HTC randomly going around his Facebook account. I really don't mind what he's doing, but the thing that annoys me the most is when the wife was busy telling stories and trying to have a conversation with the husband, he just kept on ignoring his beloved and continued with his random browsing. He did say a few words like 'oh' and 'yeke' but don't you rather to have someone especially your other half to concentrate on you rather than some random social networking websites?

Situation 2.

   When I was going through Twitter, a few of my friends were tweeting to each other and the only weird thing about that is when their Tweets went as; 'XX and I are so malas, we are in the same room but can't be bothered to open our mouth and talk, so we Tweet!' Yes for the first 5 mins I also thought they were so cute than I realised that is so stupid. I mean, what happened to natural bonding time with your mates?

Situation 3.

   This happened to me personally about a month ago. I went to visit some friends after about half a year not seeing them. we decided to go to dinner and we forced 8 people including me into the car. Thank God, the others were Praying Mantis while I was the Panda. Arriving to the food stall and ordered our food, I knew we were having the girls talk we were longing to have. We weren't that tight that we shares each others' secrets but my heart cries after not seeing them for 6 semesters. So the story went that 7 of them owns their own Blackberry. 3 of them were Tweeting, 4 of them were bbm-ing. Their head were down replying to their tweets and etc while I was staring at them. They couldn't even tell that I was staring for atleast 7 minutes. The reason that I made such a big fuss about it is because we barely see each other, and I put my heart and soul to come down to them just for a decent conversation.

   It's the same when it comes to texting. Asking a friend to come and hang out and yet they spent 90% of the together time hanging tight to their phones. Even when you're superb at multi-tasking, it's still annoying and even more when you blind your eyes and deaf your ear to others while replying to your text even if it's not intentionally. Seriously dudes and dudettes, cherish your friends and family while they are still in front you.

Tweet this, like it

I'm looking for my drug.

2011-03-31T02:43:00.000+08:00

            Since I've so much spare time during my short semester in Nilai, I'm trying to get back on track by blogging more often like I used to. Although I can't help to notice that my recent posts are more into my personal life where I've tried to avoid and successfully avoided them months back. So here, I'm gonna try to be more general so all of you silent readers could relate more to yourselves.

            We all know that our lives are not just about being great and having fun all the time. There are ups and downs moments for us to endure throughout the time we are here on Allah's Almighty world. There aren't always laughter and smiles that we put on our faces when we step out the door, there are tears that sometimes we can't even put a stop to it. There are no exact ways to make the pain go away. There aren't exactly a manual provided for us about how to handle our own feelings. Despite of that, throughout the misery and problems that we have withstand while we live our lives step by step, we always have something to help us to at least put a temporary brake on our obstacles. Or at least to wipe our tears for a while.

            It is like a drug. I mean, a drug is something that is supposed to help you to make you feel better even for a while. A perfect dosage to make your pain go away just for a lil while, at least enough for you to recharge yourself before you have to put up with another obstacle. That is how a drug supposed to function. And as a drug is, it is addictive. I mean, logically, when you feel good about something, you would think that that is ok to do it again, and again. This is where rationality's existence within yourself is crucial. To choose the best drug for you. To know whether too much of it would make you feel worst rather than making you feel good.

             As for me, I'm looking for my own drug that I needed for the last few months. I needed something to make me feel at ease since it has been rough. Tried different songs on the playlists. Tried different movies on the theaters. Also tried to sing out loud despite others being irritated on my not-so-good-but-it's-not-too-bad voice. It worked for that time being, but I didn't feel satisfied. Over The Rainbow - Glee Cast came to my mind and I knew truth was said. There's a silver lining in between every dark clouds. All the things happened that we know we can't control are all determined by Allah. 'Everything happened for a reason' - Ahmad Fahmie. There's one thing that we can do, is to pray to Him, ask Him for guidance, ask Him for serenity and have hope then just wait and see, what will your world turn out to be.

I've found my drug,

Eyes Opened Wide, Heart Opened Wider, Mind Got Wiser

2011-03-28T22:19:00.000+08:00

            Although I think that the title has said it all, I'm pretty sure I have a lot more to say. There's a saying that goes as 'Experience is the best teacher' and I'm 100% confident that every each of you has heard of this saying. This is one of the things that we've known for years and never bother to argue about it. Nevertheless we also never actually bother about the truth hidden behind these sayings. In Malay; 'Jauh perjalanan luas pemandangan' is quite accurate with the previous idiom. This 'pepatah' in Malay means when we travel more, we experience more on other things that we've never experienced before.

            For all those 19 years of my life, I've never had any doubt in these sayings. Cause I've pretty much lived through these sayings. Experiences that I had since I was 7 till now had been the best teacher that taught me anything and everything that one could learn. I could say that I'm proud of how independent I turned to be. I mean. I was proud of that. Not anymore though. As I get to know more people in my life, coming from the west or the south of the world. Whether it's the East Coast of the country, those people opened my eyes wider about other people who may never have the same path as my life. They lead their life differently, they have been carved differently, they also have been taught differently. Or in my case, by different teacher.

            I never used to care so much about these things when I was younger cause back then I only know how to blame them who cause the problems and ups and downs I had in my life. I used to calm myself down by letting myself know atleast I get to be independent. At least, somehow the problems made me stronger. At least, I learned how to live without depending on other peoples' attention and concerns. At least, that's what I told myself years ago.

   As I get to know more people and listened to their stories, my heart set on jealousy by bits of particles. I tried handling them better, but somehow tonight I'm letting go of my grip and just let my tears fall. When they tell them how they miss their mother's cooking, I said to myself, that's one of the feeling that I'll never know. When they came from home, they shared stories about their brothers, that is another feeling that I'll never know. There are 1001 things that I've always wished I could feel the same, but I know, it will never happened. Call me pessimistic, I'm just being a realist. That's how I've been brought up.

Have always been this way, but never this weak,

CUSTOM - MADE Converse!

2011-03-15T11:50:00.005+08:00

Here's your chance to get yourself, or your beloved ones, a perfect pair of CUSTOMIZABLE Converse available in many types of shoes. This feature is only available in US and no where else. This allow you to pick any of the pre-set designs of patterns and colours for your own satisfaction. You can choose from the colour of the lace to the pattern of the outside and inside body. You can even WRITE YOUR OWN NAME or whatever you like to be written on your Converse. You can't get that on a Supra that's for sure. You can go Suede or Leather. You can pick a two-layer or a simple cut. Pick your style!

Here's an example of my own design;

Up to 40 types of different shoes; such as Chuck Taylor, Jack Purcell and Suede Collection

*Prices vary according to types of shoes

Available for kids, men and women.
Prices from RM250-RM400 (vary according to types of shoes)
NO DELIVERY CHARGES (KL & Nilai area) as for other areas, charges may apply
Deposit is required (full payment is much preferred)
No refund

So here's the important part; the order in US takes about 4 weeks before the shoes are delivered to my friend in Carbondale, Illinois, so the order must take place before the April 15th, while my friend will be back in Malaysia in June.

Order instructions:

The order must be placed through my email; dhiya_zuriesyah@yahoo.co.nz OR facebook private mail: Ayesya Johan in order to keep the orders organised.
Your shoe size must be measured by Centimeters from the longest toe on your foot. If your hammer toe is longer than your toe, measure from the tip of your hammer toe. If not, measure from the tip of your toe.

I will later convert them from centimeters to US shoe size. Remember to do this correctly. This is very important to make sure you get the right size for your shoes.

3. As for the designs, you will need to go to Converse's Webbie and pick your shoes and also your designs. When your design is done, get a picture of the window by clicking 'Print Screen', paste it on Paint and attach the file to my email.

4. Email me with these details.

- Name

- Gender (different sizes for men and women)

- Shoe Size (in cm)

- Shoe type (written in the website)

- Picture of design attached

- Amount of pairs

- Your contact number and your address

5. The confirmed total price and the deposit required of the shoes will be discussed after you picked your type of shoe.

If you have any other particular item from United States that you wanted to have, just let me know the details and I'll buy them for you. Any LEGAL items at all ;)

Come and get your own pair of customizable Converse!

Dear smokers, please kindly answer these questions

2011-03-11T19:20:00.001+08:00

   Can't help but noticing that previous posts has been kinda personal and all about my life, which something that I've trying to avoid when I think that blogs should be more public and general so that readers could also relate to their own personal dilemmas. So I'm trying to pull myself to be on the right track again. Which I should start with this - smoking.

   Here's whats happened. I had a terrible day today, the pain got into my head and I had a terrible headache. So I was asking myself, would it be better if I had a puff? I mean, I go everywhere and people keep telling me that the reason they really smoke cause it helps them to calm down. The problems they are having seems to go along with every puff that they release from their esophagus (to non-biology students out there, it's somewhere close to your throat). So, dear smokers, I'm not being sarcastic at all. Plain curiousity asking whether it's true that after a cigarette you tend to be calm about your problems? These are the people who we call Problem Smoker

   Okay, I've also known some people who call themselves as Social Smokers where according to them, they only light a cigarette when they hang with their friends who also smoke. I mean, they don't buy themselves a box of cigarette and have a puff every once in a while. These are the people who smoke when they are offered a cigarette and do it for the sake of blending in with their mates. This is one of a good example of peer pressure even after 6 years they finished high school. It's true.

   Some of them are known as Casual Smokers

No Luck for Second Week

2011-03-10T15:18:00.001+08:00

   I shall start with a big sigh. The second week of the semester break is already closed to an end and I haven't done anything that I could call an achievement or even a satisfaction. It's not really a good feeling when you wake up in the morning (evening I would say) and thinking that there's nothing to do today than thinking what shall I type in my blog. Worst even, when the producers of How I Met Your Mother decides to put a break for the show until 20th of March, which at that time I'll be starting the short semester and not need any distraction to go through the day. Glee is starting to get boring. I knew I shouldn't have started. The only thing that kept me watching was some decent choice of songs that I think they sang it better than the original singer.

   There are few things that I planned on doing but I don't see how it's going to be done The one that has been floating in my mind for these couple of days is climbing up the Batu Caves and reach the very top of the stairs. That would be a great achievement that I'll remember for the rests of my life. Ok, that's a bit lame Other people would have reached the top atleast 3 times now. It's ok! There's always a starting point. I hope it'll be soon with my friends too. That would be fun.

            Hope next week is better and all my plans will not be disturbed. Although a bit more cash would really help now or next week would be a disaster. Is there any possibilities that I'll have money growing in my purse? Of course, life is not that easy. But it's fun to think it that way.

Hope next post is about something fun!

Astonishingly boring semester break

2011-03-05T23:22:00.000+08:00

It's official that holidays without friends and family are deep down boring. 3 weeks of semester break, and I've literally wasted a whole week by spending 5 days straight at home, succeeded not stepping even a foot outside and 2 days of driving for some groceries and spending 5 mins holding the Baby Marshmallow during Aimah's baby welcoming ceremony. It was a heartbreaking moment again, when we gathered for photos, there was only 4 of us. Which makes it obvious that we don't have all of our friends with us. We didn't even need to squeeze ourselves to fit in the picture. It was really that bad. Sucks for UIA'ans for having semester break different than others.

I had my time on the computer. Plenty, I should say. More than enough that I can't even finish the game I'm playing cause I got bored of staring at the freaking monitor. I wanted to do something else so bad that sometimes I found myself lying on the bed thinking what should I do next. What could I do to have a late evening, coming back wiping satisfaction sweat of my face, exhaling breath that was filled with excitement. Ok. that sounded a bit wrong. Oh well. I'm just gonna spend another hour thinking on what to do on Monday. Fingers crossed!

Maybe I should start by taking a late night shower,

Very personal letter for you my dear friend

2011-01-23T01:10:00.001+08:00

What's up dudes and dudettes. For those who recognise this very important in my life, good. For those who doesn't, this is someone who's very important in my life. Teeheee.

Dear Raden Ain Nabilah, Happy 19th dear. I'm really sorry I couldn't post you any birthday presents, or even a card. I'd thought it would be lost somewhere around Taipei before it reaches Nashville. I thought e-cards are lame, although I think this collage is lame too, but atleast I put an effort in it. Heeeee.

Throughout the process of this collage, first thing that came into my mind was, seriously, we don't have many photos of us together eventhough it has been 9 years since we became friends. Other than that, we have spoken to each other for atleast a month now. I don't even know all the little details about your new home in Nashville, and I haven't updated you anything on my semester which I'm having my finals in less than 2 weeks now.

For other people, they would think that I'm the most horrible best friend anyone could have for not been talking every minute like other best friends would do. They might also think what we have is not a friendship as we don't get to see each other every day. But of course, for me, I could not think of my past without you, or even imagine my future with 7 kids without having you around the house as their god-mother.

There would always be you.

Despite of that, what we have is very special. I don't know if this ever happened to other people but I think how we went through that 'almost-a-decade' is quite awesome. I mean, 2 years in New Zealand and only one letter, few e-mails, and never a phone call, we still managed to talk without feeling awkward afterwards. We went through 3 years of high school together, you went off for Nashville and left me alone. And yet, I know that we would be fine even we had to go through internet line that sucks for an hour talk over Skype once a month. Cause that's how we rock the world with our friendship.

I love reminiscing our memories in primary school. The thought of you stealing Khairun away from me made you as my worst enemy. Than she left us both, and that's how we became best friend. After 9 hours, I'd still laugh because of that memory. I'm sorry if that's becoming a bit lame.

I love how I would invite myself to your house and make it as my own. Especially your kitchen. I felt like I was in heaven. Hahahaa. But seriously, Mak masak sedap woah!

I love that you were my personal tutor for years, though I'm sure you weren't excited to have me as your student. Hehe. That's how I know how furious you could be sometime.

I love that you would advice and nag at me till my ears bleed. It literally bled. Haha. I mean, without you nagging at me all these times, I wouldn't be such a good listener. You helped me through my hard times. You laughed with me through the good times. You laughed at me when I had silly times. You laughed straight at my face. Hehe. I still love you. Though you always avoided my hugs, I still know that you love me so bad that's why you nagged for 5 years. HEHE.

I love the fact that even we don't see each other every day, we would still talk for hours on the phone. Even when we talked hours on the phone for 3 days in a row, tomorrow would still be the same without even feeling bored. Only, we couldn't do that continuously, cause we have other things to do.

I love it that I love so many things about you! I love that I have to spend more than 2 hours to type all the thing I love about you. I love you so much that I can't describe all the things I love about you. :)

I love you sayang, I'm sorry that I can't spend your 19th with you, but I promise to myself that, we would have fun together, strolling around Nashville, throw each other snow balls with I would go crazy over cause I'm so jakun about snow, for your 20th birthday ok?

May ALLAH bless you with all the success and happiness in life my dear beloved

Raden Ain Nabilah

2011-01-22T23:59:00.001+08:00

2011-01-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

Wish List

2011-01-15T07:14:00.002+08:00

Never done this before, but somehow, it seems fun to do it for my upcoming 19th :)

Trying out a new colour

2010-12-25T21:08:00.001+08:00

It's the story of the yellow shoes. Where the journey started..wait, this becoming a bit lame. Though I'm really exited about typing this one down, so please let me grin and continue with this journey of my yellow shoes.

It was a coincidence, wasn't looking for anything in particular or colour for that matter. In need of a new, proper shoes for me to walk around the campus since the previous shoes took less than a year to fail me despite of the price, mama dragged me to Sogo to find me the shoe that fit for my Caucasian-sized feet. The thing I knew for sure, black was not on my list. I was looking for something simple yet not boring. I mean, black is boring. Though I kinda regret that I didn't buy black since IIUM requires the student to wear black, I was in UiTM when I bought this pair of shoes. I saw the fuchsia Polo at first. Tried it on, walked about the area, but the open back of the shoes didn't make me feel comfy.

My 15 minutes survey

2010-11-28T03:45:00.000+08:00

Instruction : Once you are tagged, answer all the questions honestly. No lying or cheating.

Starting time : 3:32am

Name : An-Zurie Ayesya bt Abu Johan
Brother(s) : 2
Eye colour : Dark Brown
Shoe size : 9
Hair : Dark Brown
Piercings : Yes
Height : 169cm
What are you wearing right now : turquoise baby top ans shorts
Where do you live : Hulu Kelang, Kuala Lumpur
Favourite number : 7
Favourite drink: Watermelon Juice
Favourite month : January
Favourite breakfast : Toast

-Have you ever-

1. Broken a bone : NO

2. Been in a police car : Nope

3. Fallen for a friend : Yup

4. Fallen for a guy/girl in a short period of time : Yeah

5. Swam in the ocean : Yezza

6. Fallen asleep in school : 24/7

7. Broken someone's heart : Did I?

8. Cried when someone died : Yeap

9. Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : Ahaa

10. Saved e-mails : Yes

11. Been cheated on : Yupp

-What-

1. Your room look like : Something with a lot of stuff
2. What is right beside you : 'The Resurrection and The Afterlife" (doing assignment)
3. What is the last thing you ate : Domino's

-Ever Had-

1. Chicken pox : YES

2. Sore throat : YES

3. Stitches : Nuh

4. Broken nose : Nope

-Do You-

1. Believe in love at first sight : Nope
2. Like picnics? : Definitely

-Who-

1. Who did you last yell at? : Can't recall, I yell them all

2. Who was the last person you danced with? : Aliah Amirah

3. Who last made you smile? : Sabrina Amran

-Final Questions-

1. What are you listening to right now? : That Should Be Me - JB
2. What did you do today? : Stressed out, and cooled down
3. Are you the oldest? : Nuh
4. Indoors or outdoors? : outdoors of course ;)

-Today did you-

1. Talk to someone you like? : Just did

2. Kiss anyone?: Does Bobby count?

3. Sing? : I'm longing to hold a mic

4. Talk to an ex? : I wish I had

5. Miss someone ? : Terribly

6. Eat?: Ahaa

-Last person who-

1. You talked to on the phone? : Sabrina Amran
2. Made you cry? : The National Library did
3. Went to the movies with? : Sabby & Emma
4. You went to the mall with? : Siah, Zfah, Alia
5. Who cheered you up? : Sabrina Amran

-Have you-

1. Been to Mexico? : Wish I had

2. Been to USA? : Hopefully next year

-Random-

1. Have a crush on someone? : Yeah

2. What books are you reading right now? : Wish it was an interesting book, but assignments titles will have to do for now

3. Best feeling in the world? : When I have no worries in any sort at all

4. Future kids name? : Zurie and Zuhry

5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? : Yeap

6. What's under your bed? : Boxes, books, old toys

7. Favourite sport(s) : Hockey, if it's not obvious enough.

8. Favourite place : Never knew I'd say this, but home is sweet home

9. Who do you really hate? : Me

10. Do you have a job? : Studying is supposed to be my jonb for now isn't it?

11. What time is it now? : 3.45am

Never knew I'm so lonely that I'm the loneliest person among all the loners

2010-11-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

An-Zurie Ayesya = Lonely

That equation doesn't sound quite right. Because for all the times I've ups and downs in life, I never felt so lonely until today. Today I realised that I don't have that really much friends to accompany me when my mates are already occupied with their own activities. With the lack of souls around the house since mama left for Hajj, my insanity seems to lose itself when I kept staring at the ceiling telling myself what should I do for today. I've spent hours interacting with the object others my age could not live without like laptops and music, still, I haven't find any satisfaction after hours browsing through ArmorGames, Zedge even. No need to mention Facebook and Twitter.

The funny thing is, it is such a coincidence that as I'm typing every word down, this song came out from my iTunes play list.

It isn't that I have no assignments to be done, just I've not located my mood to hold a pen in my hand. I hope soon though, cause I've so much of them but so little of time. It surprised me that I'm so in depression that I drove through DUKE highway for 3 times, and yes, alone before I figured out to take a stroll in JJ and maybe get some things for myself. Who ever said that shopping is good as a therapy, I think they need to reassure their theories, cause after 2 hours of walking into every stores there, I felt even worst cause I can't find for the things I'm looking for.

I hope that

Depression is underestimated,

DMC1A, I'll always love you, even from far away.

2010-10-18T12:43:00.000+08:00

I love you, so much, that 4 months are enough
I love you, so much, that all the arguments doesn't matter
I'll miss you, so much, I would cut myself into half,
I'll miss you, so much, I hope without me, all would be better :)

All the laughter and tears we had together,
Will all be remembered here and after,
Tease around, screams and shouts,
Will always be heard in my mind loud and clear

Thank you for the time we had
Thank you for the moments we shared
No one could replace you
No one would disgrace you

For the things we haven't done
InsyaALLAH there will be some other time
For those that we've had our fun,
I'll keep them in my mind

I'll miss everyone of you.

Lots of love,

Travelling around, searching for me.

2010-09-29T11:54:00.000+08:00

At the age of age of 18, I'm feeling lifeless and bored. Chasing what they call 'fun' and 'success' in life. I'm the one who walks around wondering what to do next, not really the next 5 minutes, but the next 5 years. I'm the one who wonders around walking by myself, trying to figure out my own instincts. I want to chase my dreams, but it seems to run far away from me. I could not even see the sight of my-so-called ambition anymore. It all seem to fade away. I don't even know if it's even possible to achieve my dreams.

Despite all these whining, I'm gonna have to stay on the positive side of the track of life. I would not want to add grief to my depression. I could actually see a stick figure coming towards me with a yellow Sharpie, drawing a grin on my face with my teeth showing as the way I like it. I'm surely gonna walk around doing my daily duties with more confidence and most likely more teeth showing. At least enough to make people think I'm another crazy person.

Would you wanna join me? Have a yellow grin with teeth showing!

God knows how I love seeing you again

2010-09-18T02:47:00.003+08:00

But it hurts, deeply, almost throughly, across, vertically not to mention horizontally through my heart. I'm too filled with emotions, having no much more than a particle thick of rationality. Sure, a smile or should I say a grin surfaced after you said you did recognised me. We were kiddos, but our reminiscence still remains as if it was only yesterday. Would you even know how much our friendship meant to me?

Although it's not all rainbows when you're back in my scope of vision. It has been too long since we last talked to each other, or ride bicycles with one another. It has been too long when we fought about who's wrong and who's right. Too long. I still have some sense of rationality, when I know you wouldn't remember these moments. Cause it wasn't as special to you as it was to me.

It would be lovely to keep in touch. It would be nice to talk and giggle like we used to. Though it seems to be such a risk for me to take. The decisions I'm not willing to make. I'm not ready to have another heartbreak. I will no let myself hurt again for the sake of losing another friend of mine. Let me be. Let me stay, remembering our past, not hoping for our future.

The past or the present, you will always be my friend.

When 3 versus 1

2010-08-31T20:59:00.000+08:00

When 4 different people has to live under the same roof, it is chaos. Lucky the other 3 the can mix up pretty well since they think and act the same way in pretty much everything. Too bad for the other person who has to live up with the other 3. Why do I have to be the one person who stands alone? Cause I chose to. There will be no details needed for this since I have no intention to spread out any negativity throughout the world. Thus, this is my prayer.

Dear ALLAH Al Mighty, replace them 3 and let me stay with peace for another 5 semesters in this lovely room that I'm so thankful for. :)

No shoulders to grab on

2010-08-12T09:51:00.000+08:00

            Hypothetically, I'm a loser. There. I said it out loud. Not exactly. I typed it out in bold. Talking about being sarcastic. It has been days, weeks now, that I've been supressing my feelings. Atleast trying to. Since it's really hard to keep quiet for so long about something that you can't actually hold on to.

            When there is no one for you to hold, or actually anything for to rely on, I must say, there would be none than an inch think of strength in me now. Forcing myself to do something that I have no interest in. Or even trying to hold in the madness in me that I have towards the people around me, it's really tenseful.

            Though I know so well, no matter how much I whine about them, I would still have to go through all those things. Have been thinking that wasting my time crying and grumbling about it would not make things any better. Unfortunately, saying is always easier than doing.

            When I thought I've found someone to depend on, to wet her shoulders with my tears, to mess around her brain with my complains, she went off. I could not protest any of her doings cause she came to me when she needed me, maybe she just decided that she doesn's need me any longer. I'll adapt with the situations of being dumped. Since it happened for so many times.

            I don't want to whine no more. It hurts. Literally.

An-Zurie Ayesya, please stop whining.

The desire I'm having is too much

2010-07-20T12:06:00.000+08:00

The bits and pieces came back bit by bit. I lost my sense of rationality for two days now. Why oh why, it had to come back after years I tried not to think about it. That moment it showed itself, I felt my breathing stopped and blood rushing through my veins simultaneously. I'm trying very hard to make sure I keep my sanity with me. Have you had the feeling of wanting and denying at the same time? If I'm allowed to state this as the worst feeling a homosapien could feel, I would ban any aspects that could let this happen.

I'm gonna keep this short, cause it's obviously not going to be sweet. For now, I'm just gonna stick with my desire to stare and stalk 24/7 although it is definitely wrong. Though I hope, dated 23rd July 2010, I would slash, and scratch and rip off even the tiniest bit that relates to it.

Please, say goodbye.

What's true and what's not

2010-06-22T13:52:00.001+08:00

Amigas; plural for friends in Spanish. I have this one obsession about Spanish language. Never had any chance learning them yet since the head principle of Logan Park High School didn't let me take the class when I was in Year 10. She thought it would be hard for me because English is already my second language as she thought that Malaysia don't teach English as a compulsory subject in schools. Well too bad for me.

As I was saying, friends; this particular topic always attract me in any aspect at all. It's just an ingredient of life that I could never figured out of. The moment I started having memories of friends, always change the theories of what friends are, really. I used to think friends need to see each other everyday, play and talk all day. I used to think that every person you play with and talk with is your friend. I thought that having more friends are better than couple of friends. That all changed, as I grow up and see the other side of life.

Different scenes in life took over one by one, one step at time. Different causes varies different actions, lead to different effects and results. So what's true about friends then? In my own thoughts, you don't call for a friend. Never say they belong to you cause you will never know, the tighter you trying to hold them in, the further they wanna run from you. Trust me, I know. In fact, I know three times better than anyone else. No one else is a better teacher than the experience itself.

When it comes to what's not, stop thinking that you have to see each other every day, talk all night and never fight to make sure you and your buddy can be friends forever. When you're trying so hard, than you know you're doing it all wrong. True friends are when no matter how far you guys are, separated by the seas or continents, you can still talk to each other after months, years without being awkward. And yes, arguing helps. So you'll know the monster side of them and can still accept them open heartedly. The most important lesson I learned from my good ol' teacher; XP (you gamers should know this), when you give, never expect to receive back. This is the most crucial rule in the world out of everything and anything. Be sincere, smile when they thank you, and don't grudge in when they walk away. That's why another important rule is always give back when you received.

Heads up when they moved on from you, chin up when they show they don't need you. Stand on your own two feet, walk along the journey to find that true friend, and never stop even when you thought you have found that good friend.

These are just notes to myself :)

This would sound superstitous,

2010-05-29T21:14:00.000+08:00

Not that I truly believe in this kind of crap. It's just after all these years, I have put number 7 as my favourite number. Sometimes I even call it as my lucky number 7. It's so attractive, I love it when every time I chose, picked or got a 7. And as my life as boring as it is now, going through all those personality shits in Facebook, I found this.

Unsurprisingly, I was astonished to find this :) Love ya 7!

Can I find a cellphone number that consist only 7's?

As lame as it may sound, I fall in love, again.

2010-05-06T15:40:00.003+08:00

It's not very pleasing, honestly. For most people, love would probably be so wonderful, they couldn't even see anything better in their life. Too bad I must say, it's the other way around for me. Not that I hate it. It's just what happens when you keep falling for the same person over and over again. Tiring it is, rather annoying too. It's neither because he's being an ass nor I can't find anyone else. The bouncing as if I was on a trampoline that I can't stand.

I mean, getting over the years, I kept on putting myself in the same position over and over again. You know, falling and getting back up again without no hands given to me.

I loved him, got over him, fall in love again, got mad and moved on. And yes, falling in love again and it seems like I have to try to get over him, again. You would never guess how changing your feelings, tuning your heart till it beats the right song or even putting your mind off that someone would be so hard. Almost too hard, it makes me think that I never had any control of myself.

For now, I know what to am I suppose to do despite whether it's the right thing decision to make or it would just a another regret of mine.

Though I know for sure, it will be a journey full with uncertainty.

Keith Anderson - I Still Miss you

I really miss you,

Getting back on track

2010-03-27T19:16:00.000+08:00

Oh wait, still trying. I'm trying hard, to get back on track where I was running on before. I mean, the writing, the reading and the photography things have stopped for quite a while. My mind got blew off from all those similar ideas of spending my time with beneficial hobbies since two months ago. I have no idea why though, I wouldn't say it's just boredom all the way, it's simply cause my time has been spent to other else. I was working for a while, which was not worth it since the pay is none bigger than a particle, while the work were so much, I think I was already working for 2 years! The environment was depressing, lots of international workers that it made me felt like I was the one who travelled to another country for a job. But it was truly an experience, I gained some, I lost some too. Since I never learnt that I'm bad at financial discipline. I only realised that I could not handle cashes on my own after RM 300 too late. Oh well, let by gone be by gone.

Bad luck have been siding me for this whole month. What can I say, umm..I lost my phone, yes again, so I kept on changing my numbers, and I lost most of my contacts, and yes, again. I'm pretty much broke, and boredom has totally got controlled me. Please June, come soon, I need my life back.

Please readers, sorry for such a long gap between the updates, and yet, I could not give you the best post for now. Lets just say, my fingers and brain are numb to have any interesting plots to point off, atleast for now. So don't give up hope just yet. I'll blow your mind off soon!

Promise! (Fingers crossed!)

Seeking for new ideas under the couches somewhere,

A short and very lame update

2010-03-25T01:31:00.000+08:00

I've been trying so hard, proving to people around me that I love old movies better, old cartoons better, and definitely, old songs better.

And, the list are actually longer than that, I must be such a lame person ae?

Too bad! Haha!

Listening to Fixing a Hole - The Beatles,

It's a damn slow day today.

2010-01-23T20:09:00.000+08:00

I didn't even have a nap last night, my eyes kept blinking staring at the empty ceiling thinking off all the little details in every single corner in my life. Some were curvy, most of them had sharp edges. The clock ticked abruptly. I know it was 5 to 6 o'clock in the morning. I gave up at that point after 2 hours laying down on the bed trying to have at least a short nap so I got up from the bed, walked to the bathroom and washed up myself. I did shiver for 20 seconds, but then I loved all the drops of early morning shower. 6.17a.m. Every single soul in the house were snoring. I was bored to death that I saw the car keys hanging on the walls. Yeah, I grabbed them and ran for the door, and yes, I don't have any driving license at what sort at all. Though I was determined that I'm going to drive that Savvy to that Mamak stall that was atleast 20 minutes away at 50km/h. I went through a round about than I switched on to Fly FM. During the back and forth 50 minutes of illegal driving, all the songs that came on the radio were all love songs, or slow songs, jazzy, ballads, that sort of songs that would let you calm your feelings and might even let you fall asleep, thank god I didn't. Or I might have wished that I didn't grab the car keys.

Some how it crossed my mind that it knew it was a dull and gloomy day for me, so it didn't bother to cheer me up with Ciara or Britney Spears. I mean, the whole time I was holding concentrating on steering the wheels and balancing my clutch and brake, the kind of songs that came up were like lullabies.

I could take no more of the tears and heart broken lyrics, I sped up the car and reached home somewhere around 7, and covered my eyes with a red pillow so that I'll have the beauty sleep that I need and desire so badly.

Woke up at 13.32,

Breathing in a different world

2010-01-19T04:24:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I last typed my thoughts on this virtual page. My brain is pretty much clogged by a high intensity of confusion and concentrated problems in decisions-making. I'll just say I'm in a quite disarray.

Despite all the time in the world that I currently own, I'm in a terrible boredom that actually left me in a surprise that I would do anything to get out side of my own house. Though thinking through the words and phrases that I will need so that mum would let me out always erased off all the desire. I wouldn't blame my friends if I never came to their mind when they need someone to hangout with, cause I always let them long for the confirmation till the very last minute. I might sound like a loser being 18 but still need her mum's permission step a foot anywhere at all. Oh well.

I'm behind schedule in everything. I really wonder where did all my hours and minutes went. My baking classes that were supposed to fill up my days were canceled. It was claimed the chefs were sick, I'm not so sure whether they were coincidence or just a plain lie. I'm still in my driving lessons and I don't think I would be holding a driving license anytime soon. Having my father being such an emotional and complaining that I've never want to try to spend any time with him gives me such a headache that I need to cater for his needs in such a far distance since my mother and my father have divorced. Not that I don't bother about his feelings but I can only handle everyone and everything at once if I were better in multitasking. Too bad I'm not. All his words that I don't care about he feels and don't bother to see him often really disturb the plan to work at any bookstore nearby starting next month so I'll have my own pocket money. I mean, a job would leave me with less time to come and visit him. I think I'm in a bigger disarray when I think about it even more.

Plus, thinking of the different paths that I will need to start to choose in a few months time leaves me restless/ I mean, the thoughts of knowing SPM results would be out in 2 months time, more or less left me with quite an anxiousness. Now, I'm sure about all the words in articles that mention 'the teenager phase is the most confusing, hard and emotional part in a man's life'. I'm in all those feelings I mentioned. I do have all the plans for my next 5 years and 10 years though I'm in such an alert so that I would not be lost or have a mentally and emotionally breakdown if any of those plan don't work out. Or I should also say, I don't have that high of confidence about how my life would turn out. All these career choosing, life organizing, leave me in a deep confusion.

Ya ALLAH, bantulah hambaMU yang lemah ini dalam menempuh semua halangan dan cabaran

1cm thick of confidence, a little bit more for hope,

Tv is my enemy

2009-12-05T14:08:00.001+08:00

No, not really. Just I really can't stand all the Indonesian's accent when browsing through the stations. Maybe it's time to get Astro now. What's up with all the Indonesians dramas, series and what not? I'm not being racist. Nothing is wrong with them, I don't hate them, just in what aspect does Indon series give joy and better entertainment to kids that are on holidays now? Does flying angles with poorly done CGI scenes and magic gold chicken make kids go GAH-GAH? I never found them amusing. If the goal were giving kids good morals and unstoppable laughs, showing them 5-6 years old kids crying about how hell life can be and how magical life can stop all the shits with the existence of fairies and gold chicken, then you are the stupid one.

Annoyed,

Bukan senang nak dapat apa kau nak

2009-10-24T20:17:00.000+08:00

Aku dalam dilema yang menyesakkan nafas, membengkakkan otak dan menyakitkan hati. Kenapa setiap kali dalam sesebuah pemilihan tuh menjadikan hidup kau miserable? Maybe bukan kau, tapi aku yakin dan arif bahawa 98.9% orang dalam dunia nih akan mendapat tekanan perasaan dalam bab-bab memilih. Secara general, benda-benda harian yang kau lalui, choice kau utk menu lunch harini, atau apa yang patut kau masak utk suami kau yang bakal pulang dari kerja dengan muka tension dan keletihan menyelubungi diri lepas stuck dalam jam for hours. Yang berbeza hanya level tekanan perasaan kau dan the way you tackle the problem.

Kau orang semua tahu, pilihan yang kau dah highlight tuh, akan determine the way your life goes until the next choices comes to you. Dan sehingga itu, apa saja kesan, buruk baik, tahi atau bunga, you made your own choice kan? So kau nak blame siapa kalau kau salah pilih? Apa-apa je keadaan, lelaki nak pilih isteri, perempuan nak pilih laki, mak nak pilih menantu, bos nak pilih employee atau seperti aku, nak pilih untuk berjaya atau tidak. Kan? Betul, takdir di tangan Tuhan. A great idiom well known;

"When life gives you lemon, make lemonade"

Aku tidak menafikan, dan aku jugak tidak mengiakan. Jadi kalau kau dapat lemon yang buruk, dah busuk, kau pasrah di tangan orang yang memberi dan rela minum lemonade yang aku yakin boleh buat kau terlantar di hospital? Betul, ALLAH dah tentukan jalan hidup setiap hambaNYA, tapi bukan bermakna kau jalani hidup macam patung, digerakkan tangan kanan, tangan kanan bergerak.

Katakan lemonade, adakah kau perlu lemon saja? I mean, it would taste just pretty much sour. That's why we use sugar and of course we need water! Konklusi aku kat sini, faktor lain pun mempengaruhi apa yang bakal kau tempuh, pilihan kau, nasihat orang sekeliling kau, keadaan yang kau alami, pengalaman hidup kau yang lampau.

It's up to you, to take the rotten lemon, or make an effort to have a better lemon no matter how

I hate making choices,

Not so good in English now, are you?

2009-10-10T00:44:00.001+08:00

Not dissing anyone in particular, just having a full analysis of myself, myself and only. It has been ages since my days with people in surrounding having a British accent, remarkable vocabs, and definitely people to correct my imperfection in English. Not that my English was horrible that I have to walk around with dictionaries in my hand and have my grammar corrected by anyone who walks by, but they thought I was. I think I've changed those Caucasian's and Maori's thoughts.

Not so much difference here, we talk in English just no so much, thus my English starts to fade eventually. Not totally, but probably half of them. I'm using simple vocabs, and sometimes I still misspelled, which somehow quite embarrassing for me cause I used to excel in my English with flying colours. I have grammar mistakes too, that sure puts me in deep confusion.

It is possible, to be losing your ability in anything. I mean, today you might be a math geek and who knows in 3 years time you might not even remember what does mathematical pie equals to. No offence, to the geeks though.

It might be the books too. I barely touch an inch thick of any kind of books. I mean, I don't have the time, or I'm not supposed to have the time. With such a major examination going on in another month time, I would not dare myself to touch a book even for 5 mins. It's like a curse, when I do touch of any kind of reading material, I tend to force myself to finish the book. Which probably takes up to 4-5 hours to get a 5 inch thick novel, and I'm a fast reader. Even worst when I barely flip through pages of Chemistry or Biology. So, no books, I mean, no -not-school-books- for a while. I might have to save a few hundreds of ringgit to buy myself books, I mean, lots of books to get myself back in the track trying to talk high-class English with astonishing vocabs like the British lads do.

oooh yes, I love English blokes. Sexy and mouth-watering! Oh, no offense Channing Tatum, you are still hot as you will always be.

Not reading,

Mama made it very clear, she doesn't want to see me here next year

2009-09-16T16:37:00.000+08:00

Oh God. It's not that I disagree of whatever she claims she wants. Just, the way she put the words and say it out loud makes me shiver for a second or 5 seconds at least. "I don't want to see you here next year, you may go wherever you want, just not here." That's what she said. No, I didn't do anything wrong, or yet. She wants me to study abroad next year. Putting that much hope in me did make me proud, but again, am I able to achieve the goals? I have nothing wrong with the idea, me myself would really want to go somewhere snowy and chilly for the studies in the future.

I'm thinking of Ireland, the accent just let me fall in love deep into the idea of going there for dentistry. Or even United Kingdom. I love English and British! Kingston University might be best for Marine Biology courses. Praying to God of course or the best results and all the help that could get me with my dreams and goals. This is only the basic phase of my life, where all the plans and decision should not be regretted. I might be a high pay dentist but very stressful dentist, or enough salary to pay for my not so expensive car but drives around with a big grin on my face as I am known as the founder of another environmental association. Or even might be busy managing the family company for our very own food products and events management. No one knows where or how I might end up in another 5 years time, except ALLAH S.W.T. Keeping my fingers crossed, I hope to get the best, and be the best in whatever condition it may be.

Cheer up and live ahead!,

Dapat malu jadi anak Melayu

2009-09-16T01:14:00.002+08:00

Sebab title post kali nih mengenai anak Melayu, jadi aku akan menaip dalam bahasa Melayu. Kira-kira pada pukul 1630, Sabtu, 12 September 2009 dimana aku dalam perjalanan nak pulang ke rumah. Sebagai anak watan yang masih belum berkemampuan nak membeli sebuah kereta untuk mengulang alik kemana sahaja, jadi pilihan terbaik adalah LRT. Dari Masjid Jamek ke Wangsa Maju, dengan tiket plastik yang dah usang kerana di guna mungkin berpuluh-puluh kali oleh berbagai jenis manusia yang berharga RM2.10, aku yang ibarat sudah tercabut urat betis akibat perjalanan yang amat jauh untuk menemani kakak tiri aku untuk mencari sehelai tudung yang berharga RM10, mengucap kata syukur sebab masih terdapat tempat duduk utk aku melabuhkan punggung. Akibat penat yang teramat, aku tak mengeluarkan sepatah kata dengan kakak tiri ku itu, walaupun untuk menegur bagaimana dia tersengguk-sengguk dalam tren sebab mengantuk.

Namun aku tetap memasang telinga dan mata ku tetap melilau sekitar tren tersebut. Berada 2 tempat duduk di sebelah kanan aku, terdapat sepasang pasangan tua yang sedang bercakap sesama sendiri. Melihatkan jumlah dan saiz bagasi bersama mereka, aku yakin mereka sedang meniti perjalanan utk ke rumah anak mereka. Hati aku kuat membantah sikap anak mereka yang kurang arif dengan keadaan ibu bapa nya yang sudah berumur dan kudrat yang diperlukan utk mereka sampai ke kediaman anak mereka itu tentu memenatkan. Tetapi, mungkin juga aku salah sangka dengan keadaan tersebut. Nenek tuh memakai tudung putih, berbaju kurung hitam pudar. Manakala atok di sebelah nya tidak lekang dengan kopiah di atas kepala sambil termenung mengenangkan apa aku tidak tahu.

Berada di hadapan mereka pula, seorang warga Malaysia berbangsa cina, berumur dalam 20-an. Dia memakai sweater putih, ear phones di leher, dan sebelah kiri telinganya bertindik. Terdengar suara nenek tersebut bertanyakan pada si dia. "Tak sakitkah nak tindik telinga tuh?" Aku masih tidak meragui tujuan nenek tersebut bertanyakan sedemikian. Kelihatan lelaki muda tersebut seperti gelisah. Aku tidak dapat mengesan punca kegelisahan tersebut sehingga mendengarkan nenek itu berkata "Nenek pun tak tindik telinga" sambil memegang telinga kanannya di atas tudung. Lelaki cina itu tergagap-gagap. Mungkin kurang fasih berbahasa Melayu ataupun gugup kerana takut akan soalan warga tua itu. Aku di sebelah hanya memandang dari jauh perbualan mereka yang aku rasa kan sangat menarik.

Lelaki cina itu membuka mulut, tangannya juga resah, apabila aku lihat dia sudah memegang-megang telinganya yang telah ditindik itu. Dia mengatakan, "saya selalu nampak lelaki melayu pun bertindik sekarang" dengan pelat nya yang agak nyata. Nenek itu cuba membantah, "dalam Islam lelaki tidak boleh bertindik" nenek menegaskan. Lelaki itu masih cuba mempertahankan prinsipnya. "Ramai kawan melayu saya bertindik" Nenek kata, "itu lelaki Melayu, bukan Islam." Sampai di stesyen Dang Wangi nenek dan atuk tersebut, mengusung beg dan keluar dari tren tersebut. Perbualan terhenti selepas nenek mengucapkan selamat tinggal pada lelaki muda tersebut dan menghulurkan senyuman ikhlas.

Persoalan yang timbul di benak aku sekarang ialah, bukankah semua warga Melayu diwajibkan beragama Islam? Bukankah mendengarkan seseorang yang kita anggap tidak betul ajaran agamanya telah menunjukkan keburukan kita adalah sesuatu yang memalukan? Dalam ajaran Islam, kita perlu menunjukkan contoh yang baik pada warga bukan Islam untuk membuktikan kebaikan dan kebenaran Islam, tapi, dengan keadaan remaja Melayu yang bertindik, di telinga mahupun di perut. Yang selamba menghisap asap rokok di dalam kereta dan yang tidak segan silu meneguk arak tuh bagaimana pulak? Kita menunjukkan keburukan kita, bukannya membuktikan keindahan ajaran agama Islam. Serius, aku yang berada dalam perut kereta api itu, malu mendengarkan setiap patah perkataan yang keluar dari mulut lelaki itu.

Speechless,

Alhamdulillah

2009-09-11T23:04:00.001+08:00

All the problems have been settled. True, I need to lower down my ego and just make the call. Although I'm hoping that I won't be the only one that dropped down my ego in the future and I'm not regretting the stuff I jot down cause, its kinda the reason we are talking again. So now, no more problems at the moment, except for my major examination.

SPM. 48 days to go peeps, roll up your sleeves and prepare to read!

Not actually reading myself :P,

I've stopped taking roles in Jay Jay's dramatic episodes

2009-09-10T21:30:00.002+08:00

I am in a situation where I feel so annoyed with what happened around me. Though I admit, this is not the best move I've taken to show off my maturity. Knowing I've been lied right in front of my face for the whole 2 months was overwhelming, yet as I said before, being an ass for 3 days in a row by not calling, or even bother to hi wasn't the best thing to do.

The news did hit me pretty bad, since I'm so closed to him as I thought we were best friends. He gave an excuse but it wasn't enough. I have my own reasons to feel hurt deeply, but sooner or later I will come to my senses and give him a call to say sorry for being too emotional about the whole thing. Soon, hopefully. I don't wanna think back that a highly foolish and immature action that call our friendship to an end.

I am annoyed, not with him, but the other 'friend' of mine. I wouldn't call her as a friend actually, since she never thinks me as hers. I used to care so much of her, I forgot other things revolve around me. Yet, she never really saw me as her friend, so I might have to stop caring so much about her and put the love more on other things or even, other people.

I've been an ass to her as well. Not harshly, just by not saying hi anymore, or even bother to reply her texts. Well, she didn't bother to reply mine few months back, so I guess we're even. I wouldn't say this is the best way to handle things, but I never seem to care so much anymore about her feelings. She tore mine apart, my fault really, I shouldn't have cared for her that much.

Things happened between us, I heard her cries, listened to her stories, and try to help her with the solutions. She never actually give a damn about all the tips and hints I gave her, so I stopped. I thought she would move on and look forward to a brighter side of the road, but she decided to go a lil backwards and put herself into a position where she claimed to me she never wanted to be in that situation anymore. That annoys me, really bad. Yeah, listening to her cries, and work my ass off to console her, was a waste of time. I was mad back then, but I got over it as it is her damn life, and she plays it the way she wants as other people would do for their own life too. I try to stop being concern of her dramatic episodes of Jay Jay's life.
And yet, she's trying to keep present in my life, sending texts and other random stuff. She's the biggest hypocrite I've known yet.

I'm so sick of all this shits, and trying my hard not to be an asshole to say harsh words to you. I'm sorry that I'm not the best human being to other human being at this moment, but do trust me. You're the only one yet that I have never regretted I stopped to care about a friend.

Have a good life Jay Jay. Adios.

Just a little piece of heart,

Mai nak cita benda yg buat cek sakit hati sangat la ni.

2009-09-09T20:28:00.006+08:00

Sorry, bukan pandai sangat dialek kedah nih. Sikit-sikit boleh lah. Nak cerita sikit benda yang aku fed up sangat since the day of exam started. Umm..tak jugak..2 weeks after exam started. Elok2 dalam kelas, SPM candidates science stream kena pindah masuk dewan pulak lepas budak PMR abes exam. Oklah, seronok jugak, sebab dpt duduk sebelah "ehem2" and asyik berpegangan tangan (padahal passing stapler je =_=") Dia nak bukak mulut nak pinjam stapler dengan aku pon dah cukup baik. Opss, back to the main point. Nak dijadikan cerita, aku duk depan sekali, and tak tau lah pasal apa, rasa tak seronok sangat. Mainly sebab hamba ALLAH kelas 5E sangat lah menyakitkan hati, memekakkan telinga dan menyemakkan kepala. Kalau tak bersiul, bercakap, kalau tak bergendang, main pen. Siap meniru! Hey, bukan main tuduh kot sedap mulut, memang terbukti sah. Tapi kalau aku bagitau pon macam tak guna, cause no one actually care. Tuh bosan exam dlm dewan! ARGGGHHH! Memang ikutkan hati aku nak tarik *%^*$ diorang sampai putus. Sabar je. Then cikgu-cikgu kat depan, instead of marah beruk2 tuh, depa duk gosip pulak. Hari isnin pasal baju, hari selasa pasal tudung, hari rabu pasal bunga ros. Memanglah tak terkata aku. Haiiihh..

Esok last paper, then seronok nak raya sat. Tapi tak leh duk dekat2 "ehem2" lah. Biarlah. Lantak pi. Yang lagi menyakitkan hati ialah, depa yang tak datang ambik exam on the day that they suppose tuh senang lenang boleh tanya orang lain yang dah ambek paper. Aku rasa sakit hati betul. Depa senang nak dpt MC, sebab tuh depa buat lagu tuh. Pastuh senang-senang nama depa naik pasai dpt 8A and above. Arghh..memang, memang, memang!

Apa2 pon, tahun nih, ramai tanya pasal tart. Tapi sadly, kena cakap tak leh buat. Takut nanti depa dok order banyak, tak terbuat kang, susah pulak. InsyaALLAH ada rezeki nanti, mungkin buat lagi. Today's entry memang semua pasai cek. Cek tak tau nak habaq pasai apa lagi sebab dah lama tak dok menaip kat komputer nih. Sorry ya people!

Nombor giliran SPM: BG037A073

Aku baru sedar, phone aku hilang

2009-08-29T01:46:00.003+08:00

Aku rasa lah, well..because it's not with me right now, or my room, or even in my handbag. Tried to call cause i remember I didn't put it on silent as I always do. Kenapa? bukan sebab takut mama dengar asyik ada org contact, sebab memang takda sape nak contact. Sejak-sejak orang tuh jauh di perantauan, aku dengan hp ibarat kanak-kanak dengan..umm..let's say dengan books. Sometimes they get excited with the colours and drawings in there, but when it comes to reading, not much of them will hang around books all the time. Agak risau lah, sebab nanti mama bising and aku malas nak beli simcard banyak kali. Tapi tak delah sampai tahap tak keruan.

Hari ini dah dua kali aku abandoned handphone Sony Ericsson K800 tuh. Actually I've been doing that for ages sebab I'm not fond of that particular cell. Tapi hari ini sangat obvious that I don't care about the phone since I didn't realise I left my phone on a table in a restaurant. Never been that careless when it comes to tech gadgets. Thank god makcik kedai tuh panggil, or I would have wasted my hours of downloading 278 songs in that phone. Sekali lagi bila keluar dari my grandmother's house without it and went straight into the car. Then I came to my senses and ran back in and grabbed that phone. So aku rasa it's in the car right now. I hope its there or I might dropped it off when I went to the grocery store. Tonight wouldnt be a lovely night to dream on without my 80 tracks of lullabye to my ears. Maybe i should stop saying I don't like it so it won't try to run from me anymore.

If I could not own a Suzuki Sport Swift,

2009-08-16T11:23:00.005+08:00

I wouldn't mind a Proton Savvy, or Perodua Myvi (although I don't actually like the Transformers back of the Myvi) Seeing my cousins and my peers driving around the area, jealousy did come across my mind. But it wasn't so bad. Being 17 and no driving license, I still can bear the desire driving a car. But last 2 days, the feeling of wanting to have my own vehicle and driving license in my hand was maximised.

That beautiful day, with some wind flowing, lasted for only few minutes. I was standing beside the road, with my red bag, and a book in my hand. I was wearing a baju kurung, the wind didn't do any much help. I was waiting for a cab to show up. 5 mins, 10 mins, none of them came. The sun didn't shine for long, either. It was raining then. I was anxious, and literally cursing over the cabs. No cabs, no one to take a ride, my parents are busy with their work, I don't want sweat all over my body and walking under the pouring rain would be the worst thing to do. I didn't much money in my pocket too or even anywhere. Just a few notes of RM1, I prayed so it would be enough to pay the cab, if it shows up.

Another 10 mins, a cab came, but at the other side of the road. So I kinda have to pay double for the cab. But hey, do I have any other option?

That was the day that I desire for my own car, that I can drive "Swift"ly around the town, so I won't have to ask for any rides, or find coins in my piggy bank just to pay for the cab. Or atleast, a boyfriend who is around and owns a car, or even a brother who doesnt live so far to bother about who's sending me to my tuition.

Hey, things aren't so bad, I know it will be better soon. The day will shine and later on the rainbow will show.

I never had this kind of feeling before.

2009-07-09T00:00:00.002+08:00

Tolong aku. I'm dying. Aku nak sangat tengok Public Enemies. This feeling is indescribable. Aku nak tengok sangat-sangat sampai rasa nak mati. Serious. Aku nak tengok sangat. Please. Tolong siapa-siapa datang teman aku pergi tengok Public Enemies. I had 1/8 of this feeling towards Fighting.just because of Channing Tatum. I got over it somehow. Now..I want to watch Johnny Depp so bad that I cry over a damn poster. PLEASE. LET ME WATCH PUBLIC ENEMIES!

Seriously, stop eating the turtles

2009-06-19T13:32:00.004+08:00

You heard about Japanese eating Whales, and u suddenly become angry and think that's disgusting. While, Malaysians, guess what? They have turtles eggs in their plates. Yes, Malaysians, well maybe some of you don't but there are many people out there who does. Now turtles in Rantau Abang is leading towards extinction. And I'm pretty sure, not many of you know that they are few turtles in Malacca. Out of so many food out there, please, I beg you.

STOP HAVING TURTLES EGGS IN YOUR PLATES!

Those RM10 for 4 eggs are eggs for the turtles to keep their species running in the Earth ecosystem. How do you feel, if one of your cat's kitten being eaten? Think smart and have some respect towards the nature.

Just sign a pledge, it's definitely free and it won't take more than 5 minutes of your precious time on Facebook or Myspace.

Save our turtles

Senang je nak selamatkan Bumi

2009-06-11T12:20:00.006+08:00

All right, this is a list where things that we can easily do in our daily days that we don't realised could help in saving our Earth. Just don't take this for granted, cause I'm pretty sure, most of us have realised the importance of taking care of the mother nature, that we should have done since ages ago. Instead of swearing to the government because of their unorganised development or all the peoples that still buy things and use plastics excessively or even the people who just simply could not be bothered looking for a trash can, I'll just try to help you people to know the easiest things to do and save our environment :)

1. If you're buying a loaf of bread, or even just a bottle of water, do you really need the plastic to hold it? I really don't think so. Do this, if you still able to hold the things you bought, then hold them without a plastic. So, before the cashier pull out the plastic, just simply say, "No, I don't need that plastic, thank you". And do smile, not because it has anything to do with any of this, but hey, a smile won't cost you a cent.

2. Don't buy speficied rubbish plastics. Especially the blue ones, where you can only put a day or two of rubbish in it. It's definitely a waste. When you purchase more plastics, they produce more and when they produce more, we definitely have more rubbish just by having them laying on the ground and not able to replenished. When you buy groceries and have them packed up in plastic bags, REUSE THEM. Therefore, less plastics at home, and they will eventually reduce producing the plastics. As a result, less plastics around the world.

3. You know how you have ant trails around your house, or even cockroaches running around under your couch? Yes, most of the people in the country just decide to use the pest spray. They have plenty brands out there just to kill pests. They do contain CFC and plus, bad for your health as you spray them and you inhale them at the same time. So, instead of spraying to the ant trails, follow the ants till the end of the trail and spray the hole where the ants are coming from. So, it's like you're looking for the nest and kill more in one spray. As a result, less air pollution. While for the cockroaches, don't spray again and again and again until it dies, I'm pretty sure you'll be out of breath before the cockroach. So just SMACK IT! :)

Maybe some of you think it's lame, or think it won't bring much different, but if ALL the people in the world starts doing things, little steps, little details, it will definitely bring such impact to the world. Do act before it's too late. I love my Earth, please, love yours too.

Berbiji-biji Barcelona bagi United

2009-05-28T13:33:00.005+08:00

Aku dah lama tunggu saat nih, actually, malam tadi. Yes, thanks to Barca akhirnya the United's fans will keep it low for at least 5 months. Aku bukan peminat Barcelona, tapi aku memang nak Barcelona menang, just to keep the United's people shut up for a while. Why? I didn't know MU because of Ronaldo but I know them because of their cockiness. Yeah, maybe depa bagus or whatsoever, but hey, nothing gives anyone the right to brag. They just make people hate them :)

Plus, looking at Cristiano Ronaldo, especially his hair, I'll have to puke. Sorry girls, but I don't like him. Zidane is definitely hotter, especially when watching him head butted Materazzi live on tv in FIFA WORLD CUP 2006.

For 2-0, is definitely VIVA BARCA.
To all United's fans, hope this will help you guys to be a little humble when it comes to any match. For Chelsea Fans, hope you will enjoy this,

Chelsea VS United (Love Story)

Satu hari ponteng sekolah, dah rasa bersalah

2009-05-27T13:47:00.002+08:00

Itu aku, tapi dulu. Dulu, ketika umur baru mencecah 12 tahun. Aku ingat, emak suruh kemas beg pagi Jumaat, aku kemas beg sekolah. Emak cakap, kemas beg besar, nak balik kampung. Aku menangis, sebab tak nak ponteng sekolah. Sumpah. Ini kisah benar. Memang agak pelik sikit bila menangis sebab nak pergi sekolah. Tapi itulah aku, being the only one left in the family, aku bosan di rumah. Aku suka pergi sekolah. But time goes by, zaman tu dah berubah. Sekarang bukanlah suka ponteng sekolah, tapi tak pernah jadi a big deal lagi kalau sehari tak pergi sekolah. Itu kisah aku, ini kisah budak ini.

Stefaner Zaner, yang digelar Iron Kid, because of her 13 years of full attendance. 13 years. Waa, itu maybe aku kalau aku masih bersekolah di Logan Park High School. But hey, 13 years she never missed school, not even a day off because of sickness, or any trip with a family. She is one of the reason that proves, by going to school, you'll get straight A's or even 4.00 in CGPA. She's normal, according to her. "I have these days where I'm like, 'I do not want to be here,' " she said. "I'm just the kid who shows up on those days."

I definitely think these words she said, will become a major quote in future days.

Apehal ramai orang bukak blog aku?

2009-05-21T13:57:00.004+08:00

Aku tau tajuk entri nih agak kerek..tapi actually..the thing is tak ramai pun yang bukak blog aku. Atleast not because of my writing..but satu tajuk entri yang lalu, Apa cerita gay & lesbian. Jangan salah faham. Aku bukan penulis cerita erotik. Hanya sekadar satu cerita yang ditimbulkan selepas perbincangan terbuka bersama teman-teman.

Terima kasih kepada FEEDJIT, aku dapat kenal pasti apa sebenarnya yang mereka mahukan. Sudah banyak kali terbukti, view yang aku dapat dari negeri-negeri lain, adalah kerana mereka browsed 'cerita gay'.

Agak lawak sebenarnya..bila memikirkan, diorang view blog aku and didn't get what they wanted. Pity them kan? Haha, maybe I should do this more :)

I had a lot of giggles today. I do find something rather annoying in class on this particular day too. But hey, let's not talk about my life. They're boring :). Watch this video. Its better :D

This particular desire

2009-05-09T22:57:00.003+08:00

I have this particular desire. I really want it to be a reality no matter how stupid or silly it sounded. It's not living in a mansion, or being a princess or even be married to Patrick Dempsey. This is a common dream. But hell, God knows I'll never have it.

I do know that even the dream is not coming true, I will never stop wanting it too.

Aku tengok bola, kau?

2009-04-25T20:47:00.008+08:00

Ada satu couple nih, baru kenal dalam masa sebulan. Faizal Tahir (kembar penyanyi tuh) bawak awek dia si Stacy nih pergi ke kedai mamak Syed. Dekat Melawati tuh. Stacy masam muka, "kenapa you bawak i datang kat tempat nih?" Faizal Tahir tersengih-sengih memandang tv Flat Screen kat kedai mamak tuh. Agak pelik jugak kedai mamak mampu beli Flat Screen. Agaknya dia tak bagi makan pada TV tuh kot. Faizal jerit, "Mamak! bukak ESPN!" Waah..kedai mamak ada ASTRO. Stacy berpeluk tubuh. Tak ada bantal nak peluk kot.

Faizal buat muka miang. "Sayang, I nak tunjuk you benda yang I suka sangat dalam dunia nih selain you."

Mula berkumandang lagu intro Premier League ketika itu. Stacy nampak. Stacy nampak kaca flat screen itu penuh dengan warna merah. "The Red DEVILS?" Stacy nampk sasau "TIDAAKKK!" Pasukan Manchester United berarak masuk ke padang.

Faizal terkejut melihat kekasihnya. Stacy terlompat-lompat seperti beruk. Matanya berapi macam Dragon Ballz. "I benci you. I benci you Faizal!" Faizal ketika itu melongo macam orang bengap. Tak pasti pula kenapa. Lagi pelik bila Stacy menangis, berteriak macam babi, maaf * bayi. "Kita tak boleh bersama Faizal. Tak boleh."

Faizal ternganga, dia melutut depan Stacy tanpa segan silu menumpahkan air mata, air liur dan sebagainya. Semua mata memandang, mungkin tengok Stacy yang seksi. "Tapi kenapa? You nak tinggalkan I sebab I bawak you ke kedai mamak?" Faizal tarik sangat Stacy letak pada janggutnya.

Stacy cakap, "tu satu sebab."

Faizal baru nak membantah..

"Lagi satu sebab, you peminat Manchester United!" Stacy tarik janggut Faizal Tahir, mengerang kesakitan si Faizal. "WHAT?!, come on Stace, takkan sebab tuh je you nak tarik janggut I nih, susah tau tak I nak bela!" Faizal tidak puas hati sambil mengutip guguran bulunya di atas lantai.

"You bagilah dia makan, apa susah sangat?" Stacy menjeling. Faizal menahan gerama sambil cakap dalam hati, 'aku tak kira, aku nak jugak Stacy nih'. "Sayang, you tengok bola ke? You mana suka tengok bola, kan?" Faizal cuba pujuk Stacy yang masih peluk tubuh sendiri.

"Sorry Mr. I peminat besar Chelsea. You paham tak? Chelsea! We're the Blue Angels!" Stacy berada di atas meja sambil manusia-manusia yang sedang menyaksikan drama itu terus menjadi back up singer yang melaungkan Chelsea, Chelsea.

Faizal melongo lagi sekali, memang bengap dia nih. "what!? CHELSHIT??!" OMG. "TIDAKKKK!" "tapi Stace, I cintakan you."

Stacy gelak macam setan sambil cakap "You nak I you kena dump MU!"

Faizal melongo buat kali ketiga. Akhirnya. Dengan sekali lafaz.."baiklah Stace, I sanggup berpisah dengan MU demi body you..umm..I mean, demi cinta you."

Stacy gelak macam setan lagi..sambil Faizal cuba letak gam pada janggutnya.

Jadi, the moral of the story is, Peminat Mangkuk Uyun, sila berkorban untuk orang tercinta. Manakala rakan seperjuangan CHELSEA ku, teruskan menarik mereka supaya menjadi one of us! nguahhahhahahaha..

CHELSEA FOR LIFE, BITCHES!!

Bagi aku kayu, aku ketuk bola kau dulu

2009-04-15T13:42:00.004+08:00

Rata-rata aku tengok orang bawak hockey stick, maklumlah. Awal tahun, semua sibuk menghitamkan diri berejam2 dibawah terik mentari. Buat apa? Tika inilah kau tahu, siapa yang 'the jocks in school' and siapa yang 'nerdy'.

Jiwa aku memberontak. Aku jeling kayu hoki tuh. Slazenger memanggil-manggil. Grays menjerit-jerit. Apa aku boleh buat? Aku biarkan saja diri aku yg berbaju kurung biru..menghampiri Slazenger. Biarlah semua kaum Adam tuh memandang, biarlah cikgu berkerut dahi. Di saat aku memegang kulitnya, indahnya perasaan degupan jantung aku. The curves yang ada pada Slazenger tuh..masyaALLAH. indahnya..

Aku melangkah menghampiri bola putih itu. Aku ciumkan Slazenger dan bola itu, belum sempat aku dribble the ball.."woiii gemok! kau nak buat apa huh? Pandai ke main hoki? Takat gemuk camtuh takyah tunjuk kebodohan kau lah weihh!" Dari jauh kedengaran suara yg dtg dari mulut kaum Adam berbaju hijau striking itu. WTF?

Aku jeling, aku hit bola tuh masukkan dlm gol dari center gelanggang dengan drag hit yg paling kuat pernah aku buat. Gedegang bunyi bola menghentak dinding gol tu. Aku tahu keluasan diameter mulut jantan itu sekarang. Aku ambil bola yang aku hit tadi dan pass kepada mamat tadi then aku blah.

yeah, memang aku gemuk..tahap gorilla kuasa 14. So? orang gemuk nih tak bagus in sports? Hello, brother baju hijau, aku main hoki for almost 3 years, Form 1 aku mewakili zon Melaka, masa aku 14 I was in the A team, which is the best team in Dunedin (New Zealand) for 2 years.

Aku bukan nak brag, but please tolong jangan rasa diri korang hebat kalau korang terpilih sbg wakil sekolah and underestimate people. Kalau setakat wakil sekolah tapi still stop bola guna kaki (which is a foul in hockey) and not able to stop the ball that coming towards you, WTH?

Cermin diri sendiri dulu ye bang?

Cicak, wahai cicak

2009-04-12T00:10:00.005+08:00

Aku benci dengan kau cicak. Kau sgt menjengkelkan. Kau ronda dapur aku seperti kau polis patrol. Kau melangkah dgn bangganya atas lantai rumah aku macam kau bayar sewa. Kau tak malu buat bunyi utk bagitahu kau ada di atas siling rumah aku.

Cicak, kau menjadi sebab aku mencarut dalam rumah, kau menjadi sebab aku menjerit mcm budak perempuan. Kau juga menjadi sebab aku takut nak bukak almari dapur. Kau kurang ajar cicak.

Aku trauma dengan kau cicak. Kau berada di bawah tapak kaki aku masa aku nak basuh pinggan, kau bodoh. Aku kesian, ingat kau getah. Apa lagi. Aku lenyek abes2. Ingatkan getah. Tapi aku rasa darah. Aku tgk bawah. Kau dah lari, darah kau kau tak malu tinggalkan atas lantai dapur aku. Ekor kau tanpa segan silu menjentik-jentik tergedik-gedik bergerak-gerak. Aku benci kau cicak.

Cicak, kau jahat. Kau buat aku benci pada Iguana. Dia tak salah. Tapi aku benci dia. Kau jahat cicak, kau berak atas kabinet dapur aku. Kau kejam cicak.

Cicak, aku minta maaf sebab ganggu kau ketika kau sedang berasmara dengan awek kau di bawah helaian surat khabar hari tuh. Aku tak sangka kau tak tahu malu, buat seks di tengah-tengah laluan dapur ke ruang tamu aku. Gara-gara aku terpijak helaian surat khabar tersebut dengan kaki bersaiz 7 aku ini, telah menyebabkan awek kau putus leher kerana kau sedang buat love bite pada dia. Tapi awek kau belum mati, urat halkumnya masih terlekat, dia lari meninggalkan kau seorang di tengah-tengah highway tersebut yg sedang berlawan dengan ajal kau. Aku mintak maaf sebab pijak perut kau dan menyebabkan kaki kau lumpuh sehingga kau tak boleh lari. Aku tahu akhirnya kau dan kekasih kau mati gara-gara pijakan aku. Mungkin kau sedang dikenang mereka (komuniti cicak), kerana menjadi iktibar agar jangan buat seks di tengah-tengah highway lagi.

Cicak, terima kasih kerana menyebabkan rakan-rakan aku meraung kegelian tika melihat bukti pembunuhan kau pada hari tersebut.

p/s: aku mintak maaf kerana lambat kebumikan kau hingga sesetengah kulit kau dimakan semut.

I'm missing something real

2009-04-05T10:22:00.008+08:00

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K.
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say

Still I believe (I'm missing) I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

(Don't wanna wake...) Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it
I have no hestitaion
My imagination just stole me away
(Still...) Still I believe
(I'm missing) I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

(Don't wanna wake...) Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me...

(Don't wanna wake...) And i won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
(Don't wanna wake up alone anymore...)

Can I love you, 454726?

Sakit Jantung

2009-04-02T22:48:00.002+08:00

Aku sekarang sedang menarik nafas sepanjang mungkin, panjang yang melampau sehinggakan aku rasa aku boleh koma.

Di sini aku nak sampaikan satu pesanan,

kau nak prank orang, tolong arh jangan cakap pasal mati..lagi-lagi orang yg dimatikan tuh org yg kau sayang..

lagi satu! kau baca message lain kali, baca penuh-penuh! jangan sekerat-sekerat..kau tekan sampai bawahh MAXIMUM! ada paham?!

Ya, aku admit, aku mangsa keganasan penipuan di bawah akta April 1.

HASMIDA, esok kat sekolah siap kau!

Tak berapa puitis

2009-03-31T20:05:00.007+08:00

Hey you,

the breeze came and told me about you,
the sun then showed up and said that too.
They whispered in my ear, saying you are the one.
But then the black clouds came. Rushing towards me, screaming at my face..
that you would not be mine...

Hey you,

You're so far away, I don't know what to do.
You're so ahead away while I'm still counting steps behind you.
We're so different. Why do I still desire you?

Hey you,

I'm sorry that I stole off the pictures of you.
I'm sorry that I stare them all night long.
I'm sorry that I dreamt of you for so long.
I'm sorry that I crave so much, for you.

I mesmerize your name, though you did not know mine
I remember your birthday, though you did not care for mine
I'll be here, looking at you from afar,
Cause there's no guts in me to talk to you and cross the bar..

I'll just be your hidden lover, cause you worth a thousand better

Ku ingin kotakan seribu janji

2009-03-25T20:10:00.006+08:00

Aku bukanlah seorang anak Malaysia yang boleh dikatakan seorang yang mempunyai semangat patriotik. Tapi, berada di Dataran Merdeka sehingga 3-4 pagi bukanlah juga tanda kau menyintai Malaysia sepenuh jiwa. Tolong jangan silap tafsir ya? Aku pernah mencaci, pernah juga membenci, benci dengan sikap kerajaan kita yang lemah, menyampah dengan sampah-sampah yang bersepah.

Aku meluat dengan sikap manusia Malaysia yang membuatkan negara kita tersenarai sebagai negara ke-empat yang kurang prihatin dgn kepentingan orang lain. Betul, aku belum penat menyatakan kebodohan Malaysia yang masih dipengaruhi anasir-anasir luar. Mungkin tidak cukup dua muka surat kalau aku nyatakan semua.

Tapi, bila aku dengar lagu ini terngiang-ngiang di pendengaran, entah mengapa sayu hati. Mula terbit rasa cintakan Malaysia. Pernah dengar lagu ini?

Semua orang sibuk nak jadi photographer

2009-03-18T23:44:00.002+08:00

Sana sini bawak SLR. Haiihh, aku ada jugak teringin, tapi satu habitat (tabiat + habit) tabii dalam norma kehidupan aku..susah aku nak suka apa yang semua orang suka nih. Aku pun tak faham isu berkenaan apa masalah nih timbul. Tapi timbul juga perasaan ingin tuh. Lagi best kalau boleh tangkap gambar seindah ini.

Sebodoh-bodoh Myspace, aku ucapkan terima kasih jugak

2009-03-17T11:40:00.003+08:00

Sebab aku dah jumpa my long lost friend gara-gara chilanat mana yang curi N73 aku! Tengah nangis sekarang nih sbb dah lama tak tengok diorang..

Mama sudah pulang

2009-03-11T00:51:00.007+08:00

Mama dah balik! Yeay, tapi sedih sebab lepas nih dah tak mungkin aku jejak bumi New Zealand tuh lagi :( Jikalau mungkin sekalipun, Otago Uni, wait for me!

Mama mamai, terus melepaskan geram terhadap bantal di Hillside nih, lagipun masa di NZ ketika ini kami baru nak bermula solat Subuh, kira-kira jam 5 pagi. Aku pula, melihat bagasi-bagasi mama yang sarat tuh, tak sabar nak bukak.

Mama kunci pintu, aku terjah beg biru. Kalau ada screen effect maybe time aku buka beg itu, ada sinaran cahaya yang keluar. Apa yang aku jumpa? Ini dia..

Inilah faedahnya bila kilang Cadbury berada 40 min dari kawasan rumah kami. Hehe, Whittaker's juga one of my favourite tapi mama tak beli the one that I love :(
Most of the chocolates here are not in Malaysia, and this is only a third of it. Nguahahaha :) I miss NZ already.

Then, aku dig in much deeper, deep sgt sampai terjumpa pulak lingeries. Aku kona sikit, aku jumpa si gemok nih

Comel sangat kan? But its not for me. DAMN. Mama at her 50's, she WANTS this better than me, (very childish kan) :) so she replaced this fatso with this old man..er..i mean sheep

Hai, si tua pon si tua lah. Aku cari lagi, benda yang aku tunggu. I found them. Satu putih, satu hitam..
Yummyy..Lantaran size kaki aku terlebih dari average woman sizes di Malaysia nih, aku ketahui aku ramai kawan di NZ yg size kaki nya lebih kurang je dgn aku..So I specifically told Mama to get me some shoes. I was expecting for atleast 3 pairs, tapi 2 dah memadai kerana this is LA GEAR man!! Similar to Adidas and NIKE tapi..in the 90's lahh..nguahahahaha!

and aku dapat one cardigan, and she bought the same design for herself, dimana aku sgt terkejut sbb we never had this mother-daughter-really-close relationship.

Tapi tiada manusia lain yg lebih bertuah dari my nieces and nephew. BAPAK BEST! Sumpah aku sgt jealous skg nih. Haiiihhh..

Akan ku tabahkan hati ku ini. Haha :)

Congratulation on your thesis Bonda and welcome home Dr. Aida Nasirah Abdullah

Hey, cinta baru!

2009-03-04T16:17:00.007+08:00

I'm phenomenally thrilled, excited and in love! Seriously, the feeling is indescribable. I am so in love, I'm drooling all over him. I can't even move my eyes for a nano second from the beautifully drawn face. All the good things he brings in my life, I couldn't say enough thanks.

For years that I waited for his existence in my life, after very long searches, countless locations, but then I came home full of frustrations. I was about to give up, and just no longer craving for his love in my lonely life. I never felt so gloomy in my 17 years of breathing.

Then, in this bookstore, I saw them. Yes, so many of them. My eyes were very sore to look for the one that I have been desiring. I look through the eyes but it was an unfortunate that they were not any of them that I would call "the one". I looked down and walked away,

Who knew, the days passed so slowly, and I walked to the same bookstore. I wasn't looking, not even seeking, for the one anymore. Cause really, I could not be bothered and just maybe, love was not for me after all. Yet, he was there, sending me a SOS. Attaching a rope to my heart, pulling me over to look at him in eyes. I was astonished, by the way that he is so simple in so many variant ways. He pulled me closer, I could not resist. I touched him. Yes! I touched him, the lust surges in my veins made me not to think rationally.

I revealed a smile, or even a grin. I wanted to know more, I want to run my fingers down to his skin, know him page by page and smooch his face in any days.

Now, he's mine. Eternally.

I fuckin love you Mr. Thesaurus!

Dikejar pakcik yang sedang menyanyi Pok Amai-Amai

2009-02-27T19:53:00.004+08:00

Baru aku tahu, seksanya tuisyen. Apa kaitan dengan tajuk post? Sabar dulu.
Baru aku tahu seksanya bila ibu tiada. Mama cepatlah pulang, tiada sape nak anta pegi tuition. :( Hari Khamis, Seperti biasa, sibuknya di sekolah mengalahkan secretary menjawab telefon. Sibuknya sebagai pelajar bagai Menteri mencari undi. Kimia di Rumah Encik J malam nih bagaimana? Siapa nak hantar? Benak bengkak. Kembang kuncup memikirkan wajar atau tak untuk aku ponteng dan berdengkur di rumah instead. I knew it was not a good idea after all because of all maggots and ants in my stomach knows it better. Kenapa ulat & semut? Sebab semua org ada butterflies, aku nak unik sedikit.

6.30 p.m. Pergi atau tak? Aku dengan malas sambil tolak rambut ke belakang..capai tuala, hempas pintu terus menyerahkan diri aku kepada pancuran air. Mandi, benak kembang kuncup lagi, menanya soalan yang sama berulang kali

"PERGI KE TAK?!"

Jikalau soalan ini yg ditanya dlm Paper Bahasa Melayu 2 SPM 09 nanti memang aku maki hamun kertas itu walaupun tiada unsur bersalah sikit pon. Nenek terlolong memekik, sama seperti benak ku. Menanyakan soalan yang sama. Aku tensed. Sabun mandi aku patah2kan.

Akhirnya aku menulis jawapan aku. Figuratively. Terus sarungkan baju. Lilit tudung. Aku turun ke stesyen bas pada pukul 7.45 p.m. Yes, not a good thing kan? Waktu maghrib, aku gelisah tunggu bas T304. Aku kuis rumput, kuis pasir atau apa2 sahaja makhluk di depan mata ku. Alhamdulillah tidak ketemu makhluk ALLAH yg berkaki empat. 7.50. Tiga teksi meluru datang ke arah ku. Soalan kedua benak ku kembang kuncup.
Wajar naik teksi? Aku tidak kisah tetapi ternampak kelibat nenek ku menjenguk di luar tingkap. TIDAAK! Kalau dia tahu aku naik teksi seorang diri. MAMPUS!

7.55 p.m Aku dah resah. You know what? I'll just walk for 20 min! Aku pun berjalan. Berlari anak. Kedengaran suara sayup2 di belakang. Kereta yang lalu-lalang di jalan raya sudah berkurangan. Gelap nya jalan. Bodoh MPAJ tak repair lampu jalan! Aku tak berani nak toleh belakang. Aku terus berjalan. Aku tak nampak apa kat depan. Aku tak nak tengok apa di tepi. tiba-tiba kedengaran surah Yasin berkumandang di telinga aku. ****!

Jantung aku gugur, tapi aku sempat kutip balik sebelum darah berhenti. Oh, rupanya tuh Yasin Mp3 di Cyber-Shot K800 aku. Aku tergelak seorang diri dan ada orang yang gelak lebih kuat dari ku.

"Pok amai-amai belalang kupu-kupu, tepuk biar pandai malam nanti upah susu..." Kuatnya suara kaum Adam itu menyanyikan lagu kegemaran ku ketika berumur 4 tahun. Kali ini aku beranikan diri.

Aku toleh ke belakang.

Rambutnya Putih, panjang, wavy. Seluar nya jeans. Koyak di lutut. Melalak seorang diri dan senyuman nya menunjukkan gigi tengah yang hilang.

Aku berjalan terus, takut untuk lari. Aku berjalan, berjalan lagi. Tidak tahu apa akan jadi.

Itu lah dia, journey aku ke tuisyen Chemistry :)

Apa cerita gay & lesbian?

2009-02-24T21:47:00.007+08:00

EDITED* utk sesiapa yg tidak faham :)

Haha, ini semua angkara kau ridzwan! Aku mula memikirkan perkara2 yg harus aku taburkan melalui keyboard hitam putih ku ini. Pernah dengar gay? Lesbians atau lesbo? Lebih tepat Musahaqah. Bagaimana pula dengan Homosexual or Bisexual? Pelik bukan? Yeah, masyarakat kita sendiri mula terjelepuk jatuh di hadapan nama-nama "indah" ini. Aku tau, korang baca ini mungkin sudah mula terbayang di depan mata apa sahaja visual yg ada. Tidak2. Jangan kau benderakan pula blog aku ini, this is definitely NOT PORNO. Aku saja suka2 menimbulkan isu yg sensitive ini. Tidak. I have nothing against gays or lesbians malah aku mempunyai 2 teman rapat yg mengaku diri mereka lebih gemarkan 6 packs dari 36D. Cuma tidaklah drastik bagi aku, kerana mereka bukan Islam. Dan mereka juga bukan rakyat Malaysia.

Aku sangat pelik, dan aku sangat mengharapkan sesiapa sahaja yg boleh memberi pandangan mereka ttg perkara ini dpt kurangkan berat benak aku ini.

Why do guys get turned out with lesbians making out but they get turned off once the visuals of guys making love gets into their mind?

And why the guys are so damn scared of girls with strap-on?

Strap-On

Aku hanya bagi link this is video for above 18 tapi jangan risau, video ini terlampau kelakar (tapi tahap iq anda perlu tinggi utk faham) jadi ia tidak di kira porno.

Malah aku, maaf tapi terkenangkan scene di Giant itu sangat memelikkan, malah sedikit menjelikkan kerana mereka org Islam. Tanpa segan silu menguis sesama sendiri. Jangan risau, kalau kau di tempat aku ketika itu kau akan gelak kerana Pakcik itu tertarik pd "Shah Rukh Khan" from Bangladesh. Aduhai. Aku sendiri tidak dapat menahan gelak ketika ini.

Begini al-kisah nya.
Aku pergi ke Giant Pertama, membawa hajat ingin membeli barang makanan utk di isi ke dlm perut. Mama parking di underground parking and we have to take the lift. Teng teng teng..
Ketika nak turun selepas selesai membelah beli, Seorang pekerja Giant berbangsa Melayu masuk. Kemudian seorang pekerja Bangladesh masuk. Kedua mereka adalah lelaki. Aku anggap ia nya biasa. Kemudian terdengar bunyi gelak kecil. Aku lihat ke arah mereka dan kelihatan uncle "Shah Rukh Khan" (Bangla) tersengih ke arah "Rosyam Nor" kita nih. Kemudian, kelihatan pulak jari SRK tuh menguis2 si RN nih. Si RN nih pulak tersenyum2 menguis2 balik jari SRK. Bukankah itu sangat mengsangsikan? Aku tidak tahan gelak. Aku tersengih bersama ibu ku.

Aku harap soalan aku dpt dijawab! :D

And sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone :)

Ketika aku bangun tidur tadi

2009-02-14T07:00:00.002+08:00

This is when I knew,
Aku telah menyerah kalah

hey, apa yang ada?

2009-02-13T21:12:00.005+08:00

Pernah dengar tak lagu "Ada Apa dengan cinta?". Oh Jangan ingat aku sedang membicarakan cinta sebab hari Valentine's Day, no offence but aku tak celebrate Valentine's. Memanglah melompat, dengan hati berbunga riang, senyuman hingga ke gigi lepas dapat bunga ros, chocolates or anything red tapi kenapa on the exact date? Ok, aku bukan nak cerita kenapa aku rasa Valentine's Day itu bodoh tapi aku nak bakar keyboard ini dengan kelajuan menaip pada tahap maksima utk aku cakap pasal satu fasa hidup yg aku sendiri sdg lalui sekarang. Ada yg pasti boleh agak kan? Jgn risau, ini bukan post yg emotional atau jiwang karat.

Sekali lagi, aku ego. Aku boleh lepaskan, bukanlah senang tapi tidaklah mustahil. Tapi aku sengal, kononnya aku pencinta yg agung, tak pernah lupa kekasihnya. Kononnya aku ini yang terbaik, setia pada yg sama bertahun2. Kononnya aku ini kuat, menunggu hingga ke akhir masa utk dia kembali ke sisi. Sebab tuh aku lebih rela seksa diri aku. Biar aku tau yang aku memang sayangkan dia or to be exact aku cintakan dia tak berbelah bahagi. Maaf, aku tak pandai nak bagi ayat2 berbunga.

Aku dulu tak pernah pulak nak faham, bila orang kata cinta itu buta. Aku tak paham kenapa Jane Doe still nak tunggu John Doe walaupun perangai John macam setan. Aku panggil Jane Doe bodoh. Tapi aku pun buat perkara yg sama, tidak pula aku maksudkan manusia itu berperangai macam setan. Aku faham sekarang, bila di mana2 org kata pengorbanan dlm cinta itu penting. Aku juga mulai faham, apa sebenarnya cinta.

Hey, cinta bukan sekadar I Love you, cinta bukan sekadar 'b, call i mlm nih.' cinta juga bukanlah bermaksud 'akan ku langkah ke dalam bara api hanya utk kau, dinda'. Definisi cinta aku selepas disuluh manusia itu; cinta itu apa2 sahaja yg kau panggil itu cinta. Kau tak payah nak melalak every single night selepas di tinggalkan, itu bukan cinta agung. Kau tak payah merayu kepada minah/mamat tuh, 'tlg jangan tinggalkan i, i tak boleh hidup tanpa u!" Bullshit. Aku pun teringin nak menangis siap malam, melalak, kemudian tulis segala-gala benda psl manusia itu yg aku tau, benci, suka, dan apa2 saja. But no. Kau nak paksa dia jaga kau selepas dia beritahu dia tak cintakan kau? tak kan?

Bila dia pergi, biar dia pergi. Sejujurnya, satu je dalam doa aku buat beberapa ketika ini.

ALLAH celikkan matanya, bukakan pintu hatinya, kembangkan akalnya, supaya years from now; may be there'll regrets on his/her thoughts.

ini bukan rekaan, atau kisah benar.
kau orang fikirlah sendiri

31st January 09

2009-01-31T12:52:00.005+08:00

Today is my birthday,
the 31st of Jan, and today I'm 17
I'm still in pyjamas, the clock ticking at 11.15

My mother is snoring at the other side of the room
Did not hear a word from her to make my heart bloom
But I'll just stay put in front of my computer,
entertaining myself from misery and hunger
to make the clock even faster
I sing myself a song that made me become a survivor.

Under the shower my heart sank
Knowing I had nothing to appreciate on this evening
At 3.00 p.m I must say,
I almost gave up and don't bother about a birth day

The phone started yelling and I was happy as hell I can be
But I walked in the corner with tears falling out, non-stop

Thank you, my friends
There they were, they lighted up my day with their presences on that day
Thank you, my friends.
That was a memorable day of my 17th moments
Thank you, my friends
For letting me smudge my love onto your faces with lots of creams
Thank you, my friends
Thank you for everything.

Raden Ain, Khairun Sofea, Muzz, Jaffnie, Nadia,
and the people who never forgets even after years
Sabrina, Emma, Yaya, Anis, Imah, Nina, Esah, Aimah, Dza, Asyraf, Amie, Aqilah
and all those party crews

:)

Kawan tetap kawan

2009-01-27T03:40:00.003+08:00

Dalam keadaan perut yang berkeroncong nih, bukan lapar tapi excessive acidic subtance by tonnes of oranges. Oh, GONG XI FA CAI anyway to those who celebrates them :). Ok, sambung balik, dalam keadaan perut berkeroncong nih, aku susun semula gambar-gambar yang tersimpan tidak berapa rapi dalam Disk C nih. Bersepah. Jadi terlihat balik gambar dari aku ketika di New Zealand tahun 2006, 2007 yang aku sedang berpeluh melawan paper2 PMR so tak banyak gambar dan tak ramai kawan, dan tahun 2008 yang memang tak terkata kesewelan aku dan teman2 di dalam kelas mahupun di ruangan aku keletak-keletuk keyboard yang menggunakan 'excessive emoticons'. Aku tidak malu nak cakap, baru tahun lepas aku rasa aku ramai teman. Mungkin kejadian tahun 2007 ubah aku. Biar aku simpan sendiri. Tapi perkenalan aku dengan "budak2 Qudus" nih banyak ubah cara hidup aku. Maaf kerana memberi gelaran tapi kau orang memang budak Qudus lah =_=".

Maybe point aku dah lari sikit. Aku cuma nak cakap. Dalam 17 tahun aku hidup nih, 5 tahun aku belajar chatting and social networking websites, ramai juga yang memberi kesan dalam hidup aku sampai sekarang. Contoh macam, sesiapa yang kata chat members tuh hanya rekaan, dunia illusi, imaginary friends atau bahaya utk berkawan dengan mereka. Jujurnya, aku ada 6 orang sahabat karib yang aku kenal melalui 'DUNIA ILLUSI' ini. Ada yang datang, berkawan dengan aku selama setahun, kemudian hilang. Tapi aku ingat dia. Ada juga yang bertahun-tahun, sampai sekarang belum ketemu face-to-face, tapi ibarat aku kawan rapat dengan dia semenjak kecik. Jadi don't put a barrier between people that you know on this cyberspace. Siapa yang tahu, orang tuh lah yang jaga kau sampai mati. Sebab, kawan tetap kawan walau dia orang asing yang langgar kereta kau pagi tadi.

NOW, destroy that huge concrete barrier.

2009-01-12T21:58:00.003+08:00

Honestly, are you in love right now?
Definitely

Honestly, what's going on in your mind right now?
Why the hell they have to repeat the 'honestly' word over and over again?

Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Addmaths and tv watching

Honestly,what you did today?
naik pentas, ambil sijil, baca ikrar, tengking budak merokok..and..yeah

Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
Honestly? Sometimes I do but most of the time I could not love myself.

Honestly, have you done something bad today?
mengumpat and usik Midah je

Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
Why shouldn't I?

Honestly, are you jealous on someone now?
Unfortunately hell yes

Honestly, what makes you happy all the time?
Hang out with my friends and just laugh our hearts out

Honestly, what do you want to see at this very moment?
Nak jumpa Fahmie

Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Yeah, a very enormous one

Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
Not really

Honestly, what do you wanna hug right now?
nothing

Honestly, do your wrist hurt?
Why should it hurt?

Honestly, are you in denial?
24/7

Honestly, is it easier to talk in Myspace than in person?
Of course not

Honestly, does anyone like you?
I never think so

Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
Tak

Honestly, do you answer this question correctly?
I have no reason to bullshit

Sapa rasa nak buat, buatlah, aku tak tag orang

Gotong-royong 2009

2009-01-10T22:58:00.004+08:00

Hari nih aku seronok sebab aku diberi kepercayaan utk incharge gotong royong pengawas 2009, sebab aku exco. Bahagia, because I love being needed by people. Maybe cam kerek tapi entahlah aku happy harinih. Aku started pukul 9.30 a.m. Susah sikit, the brushes were too small and there was only 1 litre of yellow paint. Aku sapu batu-batu yang ada. Pinjam kat pakcik yang bersihkan sekolah kita orang. Ada jugak makhluk ALLAH yang takda keje kacau aku and said bad shits. Then form 4 datang. Diorang excited gila. Berebut satu tin cat tuh. Exco yang lain tak kelihatan lagi. Even though it was compulsary for them. I'm so looking forward to teach them a lesson on Thursday. Say what I have to say, and make sure that they know what they have done wrong.

Tudung, seluar and tangan covered with yellow paint, but it was fun and I would do it all over again :). For those who yang bukan pengawas pon. THANKS ALOT for your help and stay sampai it was done. Aku appreciate sangat, I love you guys so much!

Dunia penyiaran

2009-01-07T20:57:00.003+08:00

Aku mengucapkan rasa tahniah setinggi langit kepada dunia penyiaran Malaysia, spesifikasi kepada iklan-iklan mengenai keselamatan jalan raya (INGAT) yang aku pasti menarik perhatian semua bangsa, barisan umur dan juga perbezaan jantina. Senyuman bangga ketika menonton setiap iklan INGAT yang dipertontonkan di RTM pasti bertambah selepas beberapa siri Iklan mengenai keselamatan jalan raya itu ditambah. Idea yang sangat kreatif pastinya dihargai semua dan tutur kata setiap watak di dalam iklan itu tentunya sudah lekat di minda. Aku juga seronok meniru aksi Atuk yang kononnya berpengalaman itu dan kemudian aku tergelak sendirian. Aku juga tahu aku tidak keseorangan, kan? :D Jadi aku harap, taraf kartun-kartun yang sedang diusahakan oleh kartunis-kartunis Malaysia akan dinaik taraf (tidak gunakan suara orang dewasa, dan penulisan skrip yang lebih menarik) untuk menarik minat lebih ramai warganegara untuk menyokong hasil kerja orang Malaysia

Mungkin selama ini kita sering memperkotak-katikkan kemampuan Malaysia untuk mencapai standard negara lain dalam dunia grafik. Aku pun begitu, lebih-lebih lagi ketika Cicak-Man mula dikeluarkan.

Namun aku tunduk dan menarik kata-kata aku yang telah memperlekehkan bakat orang Malaysia dan keunikan mereka tersendiri.

1) Ketika itu aku pelik kenapa menggunakan sebuah negeri "imaginasi" jikalau kriteria Malaysia yang mereka inginkan. Tapi sekarang aku faham. Dalam semua action-fiction movies pun semuanya imaginasi bukan?
2) Tidak faham motif lawak bodoh yang cuba ditunjukkan. Konklusi aku, mereka ingin mencari audiens yang lebih ceria.

Walaupun aku belum menonton Cicak-Man 2, aku yakin aksi yang ditunjukkan akan memberi impak yang lebih mendalam setelah memahami "the making of Cicak-Man 2". Walaupun aku kurang gemar apabila pelakon dari negara jiran dipilih untuk memainkan watak "villain". Tidak cukupkah pelakon wanita di negara kita? Atau semuanya tidak berani? Apa-apapun, semoga Cicak-Man 2 mendapat kritik yang cemerlang.

Berusaha

2008-12-31T20:59:00.005+08:00

Tahun 2009 ini aku cuba jadi kan satu waktu yang lebih mencabar. Di mana ketika ini sedang hebat melawan nafsu untuk melupakan buku ilmiah dan menghampiri monitor Acer yang di 'connectkan' pada CPU di belakangnya. Di mana ketika ini hati melonjak ingin tahu di mana aku akan berada 5 tahun akan datang, berniaga atau menganggur? Di mana aku menanti setiap hari berlalu untuk aku cuba tidak membazir setiap saat dengan hanya merenung memikirkan keadaan sekeliling tanpa sedar matahari terbenam tanpa aku membuka satu pun helaian Addiotional Mathematics apatah lagi Al-Quran yang sedikit sebanyak berhabuk.

Setiap insan, makhluk ALLAH, beragama Islam mahupun bukan, ingin sekali mencapai satu anjakan paradigma untuk menjadikan tahun itu lebih baik daripada tahun sebelumnya. Namun aku kurang pasti definisi "LEBIH BAIK" itu bagaimana bagi sesuatu individu. Ya, erti kata lain. Adalah azam tahun baru. Alangkah baik sekiranya azam itu aku laksanakan dengan mudah. Selepas 16 tahun kehidupan aku yang menyedari bahawa perkataan 'azam' tidak pernah menjadikan apa-apa perubahan jadi ini bukanlah azam tahun baru aku.

Setiap hari aku cuba melakukan sesuatu yang menyenangkan hati bondaku yang bergelar mama, namun ada sahaja makhluk bertanduk dua datang menghasut menyebabkan aku terus bertindak tidak sewajarkan.

Moga tahun ini aku anak yang lebih Solehah. AMIN.

Setiap saat aku gentar dengan memikirkan masa hadapan aku di duniawi. Aku kaget melihat orang sekeliling, berita di kaca tv, radio semasa malah surat khabar yang kini menjadi bahan bacaan kegemaran aku. Mungkin itu satu lagi perubahan yang telah aku lalui dlm masa beberapa bulan ini. Aku kaget ketika mendengarkan mengenai masyarakat yang dipijak-pijak dan di'underestimate' kerana tiada kelulusan dari sesebuah institusi. Aku trauma melihat manusia yang tidak kenal erti dosa hanya untuk mencari sesuap nasi. Aku resah bila memikirkan peningkatan statistik mahasiswa/mahasiswi yang menganggur. Aku terfikir. Berapa 'A' yang tercatat pada kelulusan SPM aku dlm masa 14 bulan akan dtg?

'Alah, lepak lah. Banyak lagi masa sebelum SPM. Jomlah kita pergi The Curve.'
'Kau nih tak rock arh, kita ponteng sehari jek bukan seminggu.'

Biasa dengar kata2 ini? Kurang aku pasti, mungkin mereka Genius yang hanya memerlukan beberapa minggu untuk menelaah dan bersedia bertempur di dalam dewan bersedia diserang helaian2 putih. Atau mungkin aku yang kurang bijak kerana gusar masa yang ada aku rasakan sangat pendek? Tidak dapat aku sediakan konklusi itu. Satu harapan aku;

Moga aku lebih disiplin dan bersemangat melawan panggilan nafsu untuk berjaya. AMIN

Panjang sangat ke entry aku nih? Maaflah, aku bosan melihat orang terpekik terlolong di dalam kaca televisyen apatah lagi menurut serta berada di antara belia-belia, makcik-makcik, anak-anak dan datuk-datuk yang menunggu saat percikan bunga api dilepaskan. Aku bukan bias atau ingin mengatakan tindakan mereka salah di sisi undang-undang ISLAM ataupun Malaysia tapi alangkah indahnya sekira jumlah jemaah Islam di masjid yang disediakan karpet dan air-condiotioner adalah seramai jumlah rakyat Muslim yang rela menyakitkan punggung duduk di atas jalan tar semata-mata menunggu artis menyanyi di atas pentas? Aku bukanlah Muslim yang terbaik, tidak aku katakan aku Muslimah yang terhebat. Aku juga sedang memperbaiki diri ku ini, terima kasih Kereta Mayat (thanks Mun yg memberitahu aku ttg blog ini) aku dapat sedikit sebanyak ilmu yang dapat aku tambahkan. Sedikit hampa blogger nya telah berhenti memberi idea. Ini juga harapan aku;

Semoga aku menjadi muslimah yang lebih taat padaNYA. AMIN.

Selamat Tinggal 2008

Zoo Negara version aza

2008-12-26T01:14:00.002+08:00

*aku nk record ekor dia je :)

Oh yeah, ekor badak nih mengundang, sebab tuh aku suka. time nih Emma, Irfan and Chacha gi tgk baby Hippo. Not bad lah Zoo Negara, I don't know whether it suppose to be as dirty as it is or just keadaan tak terurus. Tapi dah lama tak happy cam nih. Maybe sebab the family feelings during the day out kot. Aku kan ada lack sikit bahagian tuh. Betul cakap emma, chacha memang nak dengan aku je. :D

Irfan pulak obses dengan yang ini, aku memang cukup geli dan takut. Agak childish tapi mungkin sebab mak aku memang tak open minded pasal binatang ini, nenek aku apatah lagi. Ohh, si oink2 nih ada jambang :). Tapi kurus sangat. Kesian.

Then ada show, kita orang tunggu lama lah jugak. Hos die Hadi (aku ingat Hafiz, pekak sebelah lah =_=") ada huge bulge. Hahaha. Pastuh dia keluar kan burung and seals. Very sexy. Aku tak bawak camera. Memang menyesal. K800 Cyber-Shot tak lawa pun.

*sorry for the bad quality, aku tak perasan it was swicthed on. And suara yang menjerit tuh of course lah aku.

*snapshot yang nih cun pulak.

*Giraffes nih tengah kencing, tapi tak nampak pulak urine dia :{

* And lastly, aku sayang budak ni. (confirm niece aku jealous :D)

Hairspray 2007

2008-12-22T21:02:00.008+08:00

I just watched the movie. Well it took me a minute for the windows to load.

Its definitely A-Must-Watch movie. Yeah, I read somewhere how it is similar to High School Musical. HELL NO! High School Musical suck. Hahaha, you can act all crazy to me if you want, but hey we have the rights to talk whatever we like right?

Although one thing that I disagree with the casting. WHY ZAC EFRON? Despite how much I dislike him, I think he's an ass in this movie. With that hair and the wink. Extremely eww for me. Again, you can bitch to me to stand up how hot is he. I just do not give a damn :D. The hot black lad is the one that I could not resist, where can I start? The hair? The dance? Or adorable voice? Seaweed's (Elijah Kelly) my man! Queen Latifah is absolutely stunning with the beautiful vocal of hers although Amanda Bynes did not seem quite right. I really think she sucks in kissing. Ohh, what about James Marsden? Lovely, just adorabaly lovely.

Oh yeah, about Hairspray. This is the second version from Hairspray (1988). It's a 60's how a girl who loves dancing but has to fight for all the stereotype's she could get. The dance are much better and the music, ohh I can't stop loving it. JOHN TRAVOLTA, the best character! With the phenomenally huge buttocks but he/she shaked it well. Oh yes.

The moral of the story is well interpreted with racism issues and about how white people treat those black people in old days although it still happens now in some places.

5 Stars from me!

15 tentang aku

2008-12-20T21:47:00.007+08:00

Aku kena tag ngan Jebon, tak lah specifically tapi aku nak buat. Haha.

Aku lahir tak cukup bulan, tapi berat sama dengan bayi cukup bulan.

Tahi lalat atas hidung aku dulu kecik, sekarang besar, mak aku cakap taik lalat hidup. Aku cuak. Tak nak jadi macam Azean Irdawaty dan Rosnah Mat Aris =_='

Aku mula pandai eja nama sendiri umur 4 tahun lepas satu buku penuh dengan nama aku jek, jadi dia suruh makcik aku ajar. Mak aku cakap nama aku susah. Dia takut aku tak reti eja. An-Zurie Ayesya, susah ke?

Aku abnormal. Sehari aku kencing 2 kali je. Tak kira aku minum banyak mana.

Aku suka Po-oh. Aku sanggup beli buku, tisu, kotak untuk cover Po-oh sahaja.

Aku tak bertuah cam korang, boleh baca dalam perjalanan, kereta, kapal terbang, submarine. Kau sebut je. Dalam 20 seconds aku dah pening.

Aku tak suka teddy bear. Aku suka anak patung haiwan lain yang warna striking dan pelik.

Aku tak suka menyukai apa yang orang lain suka dan obses. umm..paham ke?

kaki aku size 9, memang tahap kritikal nak cari sandal or flats. Tapi sedap aku tendang orang

Tabiat aku suka tarik bulu mata, pastuh menyesal sebab bulu mata aku dahlah sikit =_='

Aku benci golf and aku tak faham kenapa orang panggil golf tuh sukan.

Aku ada 5 warna kegemaran and kat dunia ini ada seorang jek yang tau selain aku. Tapi aku yakin yang Hamba ALLAH tuh dah lupa.

Sebelum An-Zurie Ayesya, sepatutnya nama aku antara Dhiya Zuriesyah, Dhania Dinyzurie atau Zurie Ily'Aisyah. Yang ini aku tak taulah berapa banyak buku perlu aku tulis sebelum aku pandai eja nama aku :D

Mak aku cakap tulisan aku macam cacing kerawit, aku tak kisah. Aku nak ubah. Tapi pergi sekolah cikgu cakap tulisan aku macam doktor. Aku tersengih lepas tuh aku Amin kan. Balik rumah aku tengok tulisan mak aku. =_=' Dalam hati aku cakap, ini tulisan doktor pakar kot.
Aku belum mandi, semasa temubual ini dijalankan. hahah :D

Alhamdulillah, sebuah masjid terbina

2008-12-20T20:43:00.008+08:00

Tidak putus tetamu datang memenuhi dewan Seri Melawati meraikan pengantin yang cantik berseri dengan keemasan pakaian yang disinar matahari. Alhamdulillah syukur pada hadrat ILLAHI, cikgu Sham Zailina selamat dinikahkan di Perak 13 Disember yang lalu dan hari nih, 20 Disember kemeriahan terus segar.
Cikgu cantik sangat. Although she looked so tired but we all know that she's happy. Memang terlalu ramai jemputan nya hinggakan makanan yang dihidangkan tidak mencukupi. Di sini lah senior KRS dan murid-murid cikgu yang lain berkumpul meraikan hari bahagia Puan Sham Zailina dan Hasnol.

May ALLAH bless them with all the happiness in this world :)

Dunia sekeliling

2008-12-17T16:25:00.011+08:00

Aku gelar mereka kawan, bukan sekadar teman tapi sahabat yang aku kutuk depan2 serta gelak ketawa bersama. Aku tak popular tapi alhamdulillah ada yang sudi bertemankan gorilla sewel nih. Kat sini aku nak meluahkan rasa, takut tak sempat. Names in Alphabetically. These are the friends that I treasure the most.
p/s; Name yg takda, korang akan masuk next episode :P

Farha Hanina bt Md Saat, bagi aku Farha nih cun dengan bulu mata dia yang memang lebat gila tuh cuma dia tak nak mengaku. Aku salute sangat Pa'a ni. Dia paling tabah and aku rasa dia paling cool. Aku tak sempatlah nak rapat sangat ngan dia. Kalau tak masuk asrama yang sama, mungkin dia dah lupa kot kat aku. Dalam tomboyish dia ini, suara dia paling lunak and sweet. Yang aku tahu, dia suka lagu English (zaman dulu lah, sekarang aku tak tahu :( Ada satu masa, aku tengok dia menangis, hati kami semua luruh sebab dia disayangi semua orang. Aku rindu Bumi Melaka.

Fatimah Azzahra bt Md. Raus, dia nih memang lawa, kegilaan lelaki-lelaki kat luar tuh. Orang panggil dia Emma, aku dulu menyampah kat dia nih sebab macam 'budget' gila. Macam dia lah menyampah kat aku sebab 'over-friendly'. Rupanya dia memang jenis ayu, yang jenis jaga what to wear, kemas gila, lemah lembut nak mampos (nih aku sorang jek bleh cakap!) and cakap perlahan so tak leh nak cakap ape lah. BELIAU duduk depan aku sakit hati gila bila dia basuh tangan. Kadang2 belah kanan kadang2 belah kiri. Lepas tuh entah macam mana lah dia boleh 'gang' pulak dengan aku yang kasar serba-serbi nih. Asyik gaduh birthday sapa yang paling lawa, taulah 31st 03 memang lawa. Aku selalu mengalah ngan dia, sebab dia adik. Paling manja, dan paling tak leh nak berdikari. Tanpa aku dan Sabrina, maka bas pun dia tak tahu naik lagi sampai sekarang :). Aku tahu dia suka chocolate brownies kat SC and pakai jam yang bergelang (so opposite of me). Tapi minah nih jugak lah yang membuatkan aku start pakai hand bag. yeah, yeah..gelak lah.. :D. Oh, lagi satu, dia tak pernah cakap sorry.

Karin Becker, aku nak kena tulis in english lah, nak kasi dia baca :), She's the closest friend in New Zealand that I had, I never knew I cried on her so much that most of her clothes has my tears. This German girl, she's extremely tall and I was like as high as her boobs. Without her I could not get through my break up with Philip and the rest of my days would be meaningless. She's so sweet and crazy at times. And she was the first GIRL that I can share shoes and tops with. I was skinnIER at that time ;'( . We would remember the day that we sat on the ground watching her 'favourite' teacher buying some candies at the asian shop and of course; Mr. Dickson, the one and only teacher that knew we cannot be separated :).

Khairun Sofea bt Kula, mak cik gila nih aku kawan sejak aku ikat piggytail kat rambut. Dia jiran aku, time tuh kiteorang baru darjah satu. Dia nih memang pendek dan kurus sejak azali dan aku paling tak boleh lupa rambut dia. MasyaALLAH. tuh memang trade mark dia seumur hidup. Kita orang main badminton lah petang2 and aku ajar dia naik basikal. Nih seorang lagi yang aku anggap macam adik, tapi sekarang dia dah besar panjang, dah pandai couple dah pun, haha! Keriuhan dia yang aku rindu sangat semenjak dia pindah Melaka. Darjah 4 dia dah tinggalkan aku. Kite orang tak pernah lost contact, surat masa tuh banyak gila and satu buku aku ada setem Melaka. TUHAN punya takdir, aku pindah pula ke Negeri Bersejarah tuh. Mak aku baik hati cari rumah satu kawasan perumahan sekolah pun sampai form 1 sekolah sama. Bumi Melaka memang aku tak pernah lupa. Dia punya gelak, impresi korang pada orang badan kecik terus berubah kalau jumpa K-yun nih. Aku dah balik KL, persahabatan 10 tahun ni aku takkan lupa.

Nur Munirah bt Shamsul Bahrin. Dia nih gila. Sangat gila. Aku belajar jadi gila dari dialah. Sama sekolah agama, tapi tak jadi kawan pun. Cuma tau nama and cam muka. Bila form 1, terus aku tau yang mana satu. Dia nih rock + tomboy sikit + garang sikit. Tapi muka dia cun. Putih melepak lah orang cakap. Aku selalu suka ikut perangai dia. Time bodoh2 sikit, aku rasa macam dia nih cool gila so selalu nak ikut cara dia jalan and cara dia gelak. Aku jahat, tau. hahaha. Aku suka bapak dia, rock and sporting. Bertuah kau Mun. Balik dari NZ time form 3 terus jadi rapat balik dengan minah nih, aku start join KRS and dia ajar aku pengalaman hidup yang sangat meluas. Bagi aku, dengan dia, skop hidup aku jadi lebih besar. Maybe sebab kita orang Aquarians so boleh ngam walaupun banyak segi yang tak berapa serupa. Aku perasan dia cam menyampah jugak dengan aku, kesian dia sebab melekat dengan aku. Kita orang pun cam tak rapat cam dulu dah. oh, Ini pun satu lagi kuat melantak and mak aku bengang ngan Mun sebab dia ajar aku makan ikan Keli. Apa2pon, kalau takda mun, aku still nerd lagi sekarang. Aku rasa pengalaman aku paling hebat dengan dia. :)

Nur Sabrina Bt Amran, yang ini aku anggap macam kakak, dan idola. Kenal dia masa form 1, 3 bulan aku sekolah Melawati dah buat aku tertarik, Sebab kesabaran dia and tolak ansur dia pada makhluk-makhluk ALLAH sekeliling. Tak, jangan salah faham, dia bukan jenis yang pendiam atau nerd. Dia rock and sewel jugak. Pandai, and hormat orang tua. So, pada dia lah aku jadi kan panduan and book guide aku. Aku paling takut kalau dia marah, memang kecut perut kalau dia marah, tapi eventhough its not her fault, she would still say sorry to people. Memang bertuah orang yang dapat Sab nih. Oh lagi satu, dia murah hati sangat. Kalau aku dah kerja kau pow duit aku pulak k?. Dia minah teksi. Boleh cakap 60% teksi kat Melawati nih dia dah naik. InsyaALLAH aku dah ada kereta aku jemput dan hantar kau ye? Yang nih geng makan aku, kita orang suka melantak, tapi aku jek yang membesar. Not fair langsung. She's a straight forward person, kalau dia tak suka, maksudnya dia tak suka, kalau dia tak nak, maksudnya dia memang tak nak. Tapi she never says No. Lagi satu dia geng aku time tolong cikgu. Kelas tuh confirm hancur kalau dia tak handle.

Raden Ain Nabilah bt Hambali, aku kenal dia Darjah 3. Benci sangat kat dia sebab aku jealous dia rapat ngan Khairun. Aku selalu gaduh dengan Raden nih. Tapi lepas Khairun pindah, kita orang pulak yang rapat. Yang nih lagi sorang aku anggap kakak, tapi yang nih garang. After 9 years, no one else knew me better than her. Dia tahu perangai aku yang pemalas and kuat mengadu nih so memang patut pun dia garang. Sama bintang, Aquarius ada yang kita orang suka sama, ada jugak yang memang berlainan cita rasa. Tak payah jumpa hari-hari kita orang tetap sahabat. Aku pindah NZ pun email dia tak pernah putus :). Kita orang still gaduh, yelah orang cakap dengan pergaduhan lah kita menjadi lebih rapat. Dia nih pun cakap lepas gak, dia rasa nak cakap dia cakap lah, aku pulak sensitive. Tapi aku sayang mak cik tinggi lampai nih, rumah dia pon dah jadi macam rumah aku, mak dia, kakak2 dia, adik dia and of course peti ais dia. Hahaha. Kalau tak ada dia, aku boleh jadi gila ooi. Eventhough kita orang 'pernah' berebut lelaki yang sama tapi BFF yeah? hahaha :D

TUHAN je tahu berapa lama kita bergelar kawan, tapi you all will never be out of my mind :)

ini lelaki aku

2008-12-17T13:11:00.003+08:00

Sumpah kau buang tebiat Sab!! Inilah laki idaman aku:

1.ciri lelaki idaman aku

- facial hair (ini wajib!) so lucky klu ada bulu dada :D
- someone yg membimbing
- pandai layan budak2 (obviously cause I act like one)
- atleast 2 years older
-bulky and taller (1 cm pon boleh lah syg :P)
- tak romantik pon takpe, janji gila and funny ^_^
- the one that I can talk about almost everything
- OH!! rambut yang selekeh :D

2. ciri laki yg aku tak suka

- metro sexual (I can't stand how they put on more make up than me)
- isap rokok (amie, u promised nak berhenti kan?)
- jiwang sgt, mls aku nak lyn
- tak leh nak understand kesewelan aku
- yang expect aku nak jadi feminine and cover ayu, pegi blah
- orang yang nak tipu utk ambik hati

3. perasaan aku kalau dpt keluar dgn org yg aku suka

- mula2 cam nervous
- suka gak lah
- serious hari tuh boleh gelak sampai pecah perut

4. tempat yang aku nak pegi dgn dia

- Genting Highlands (nak jadi budak2 balik)
- Sunway Lagoon
- Atas bukit time malam2, dapat tgk bintang
- ZOO!
- tempat favourite aku :)

5. benda aku nak bagi
- jam, jam, dan jam
- sesuatu that I made myself
- something utk dia pakai

- anything I could afford lah kot, haha

6. aku nyanyikan

- hmmm, oh! I'm yours by The Script

- Heaven

- and lagu-lagu yang aku rasa kena,
hahah :D

United States, Europe and Malaysia

2008-12-15T14:34:00.004+08:00

Sudah lama menyimpan data di minda sambil benak menyusun kata untuk dipersembahkan pada alam siber ini. Terima kasih pada research Michael Moore yang ditayangkan di Star Movies tentang kadar bayaran kesihatan, tuntutan pembayaran kesihatan dan insurans nyawa, inspirasi menerjah secara terus menerus. Tapi kesal sedikit tidak tahu mengenai tajuk filem dokumentari itu kerana terlepas tayangan nya selama 17 minit tapi aku cukup faham apa lelaki American ini cuba sampaikan.

Tentang satu pasangan yang menghidapi barah. Bertahun hidup di bawah kekayaan dan memiliki 2 rumah agam, mereka hampir muflis gara-gara kos perubatan yang melampaui batas di Manhattan. Namun penyakit mereka tidak menyerah kalah malah hidup selama 3 tahun bersama 12 jenis ubat-ubatan membuatkan mereka kelihatan 10 tahun lebih tua dan kini menetap di bilik bawah tanah di kediaman anak mereka.

Seorang ibu tunggal mempunyai cahaya mata seramai 5 orang kini mengganggur di rumah selepas menjadi wirawati tragedi 11 September akibat penyakit yang tidak dapat dikesan oleh pakar. Sensitiviti terhadap udara yang kotor akan menyebabkan dia pengsan dengan segera. Namun dia pasrah dengan bantuan kewangan sebanyak $1000 untuk 4 jenis ubatan nya dan persekolahan anak-anaknya.

Mereka dan ramai lagi merupakan pemohon insuran kesihatan di US. Tindak balas pihak insuran yang negatif menyebabkan ramai American menjadi tidak terurus dan ibarat menunggu mati disebabkan demand yang sangat tinggi oleh pihak hospital. Inikah benefit yang sering diperkatakan? Mungkin bagi kita mereka negara yang maju dan pasti kesemua rakyatnya bahagia. NO. We're wrong in a distance of million miles. Ramai yang menderita akibat masalah kewangan, seperti kita. Mereka pula ditimpa dengan penyakit yang memerlukan berjuta untuk pulih tapi yang aku pelik, dengan berjuta pakar yang kita banggakan dari negara mereka tidak dapat pulihkan rakyat sendiri?

Michael Moore teruskan research ke London, menanyakan purata kos pembayaran di sana. Ingin tahu?
PERCUMA
yeah, macam tak logik, aku pun terkejut. Tapi benar, at least daripada interviews bersama penduduk di hospital itu. Mereka membantu rakyat mereka yang tidak mampu membayar untuk kesihatan yang satu-satunya harta terpenting setiap insan mahupun perbezaan warna kulit, rambut dan agama. Michael Moore terus mencari dengan kerutan sejuta di wajah, menghampiri seorang warga berkulit hitam yang baru melahirkan puteri.

"How much do you have to pay for the labour service?"
"Excuse me?" Wajah perempuan itu memang terkejut
"How much do you have to pay for the room, and hospitality during your baby birth?"
She was laughing "You must be kidding, I don't need to pay a dime"

Michael Moore memang terkejut. Beliau meninjau ke dalam bilik yang disediakan. YA ALLAH, tidak seperti tempat percuma langsung, lengkap dengan tv serta DVD player, bilik yang ceria, katil untuk pasangan dan pemandangan yang indah. Michael Moore tak puas hati.

Akhirnya dia lega kerana terjumpa kaunter yang tertulis "cashier". Lelaki tua yang berada di situ tersenyum mesra.

"So this is where you ask for payments from the patients that just checked out? The emergencies patients and new mothers right?"
Sekali lagi, lelaki tua ini tergelak.
"No, this is where we give money to the people that do not have money for them to go home by buses or taxis."

Yes, bukankah ini sesuatu yang amat mengejutkan?

Jangan risau, bukan gaji doctors yang diambil atau dikurangkan. Malah gaji terendah seorang doktor di London adalah sebanyak 85000 pounds berserta satu kereta mewah. Jangan risau, these are true figures.

Aku tidak pernah melalui penyakit yang serius jadik aku tak pasti perbezaan harga yang terdapat di farmasi dan di hospital. Di London, sama ada botol itu mempunyai 180 tablets atau 30 tablets, tak kira penyakit asma atau prekripsi lain, harganya sama; 6.85 pounds.

Aku ceritakan semua ini pada boyfriend aku kerana dia merupakan warga negara Amerika Syarikat. DiA kata US mempunyai hospital swasta sahaja kerana itu kos perubatan sangat mahal dan US mempunyai banyak benefits lain. Aku tertanya, benefit apakah yang lebih penting dari jaminan kesihatan? Bukan kah mereka negara yang maju? Tidak mampukah untuk jamin keselamatan penduduk?

Michael Moore teruskan penjelajahan ke Cuba, negara yang Amerika anggap seperti musuh. Pelik kah? Yeah, aku pun tertanya-tanya, apa yang dapat ditawarkan oleh Cuba? Bukankah mereka negara miskin? Michael Moore mencari farmasi dan melangkah masuk. Beliau mempunyai masalah bertutur Spanish jadi ibu tunggal yang aku ceritakan tadi membantu untuk menjadi penterjemah.

Mereka bertanyakan mengenai ubat yang terdapat di situ dan bertanya tentang harga ubat sama yang sedang di ambil ibu tunggal itu. Aku terkejut. Sangat.

Harga sebotol ubat itu di US adalah $120 dan hanya bertahan selama 2 minggu.
manakala di Cuba, sebotol itu berharga 3.27 pada mata wang Cuba. Setelah di tukar kan mata wang, sebotol itu hanya berharga $ 0.05. Percaya tak?
Mengalir air mata ibu tunggal itu, dia rasa tertipu dan menyatakan bahawa dia akan memenuhkan bagasinya dengan ubat yang berharga 5 sen itu.

Fikirlah. Betapa manusia lupa tentang harga satu nyawa. Perlu ke aku banding dengan negara kita? Yang mengejar hiburan dan wang yang tidak menjamin syurga atau neraka.

Fikirlah sejenak, ambil pedoman.

Friday

2008-12-12T15:54:00.003+08:00

Rifhan is suddenly moving to Qatar in 2 days away. We didn't actually think it was true probably because of previous experience that made us know her so well but we decided that we should probably give her some warm goodbye's so by giving her a little present. We went to d new JJ in Keramat that has been told such a great place by Aishah. We didn't think so though. Or atleast I don't actually think so. All I can say that it was okay.

Grabbed some lunch at Wendy's (Please, I really regret it). There where extremely lots of balloons in CLOWN SHAPES! Gosh thank God it was just balloons. While we're searching for the present and out of nowhere there was this tall, hairy, coulourful faces with small balloons walking around and approaching kids. I was really relieved that he didn't approached us (or probably because Sabrina keep avoiding :D ) or I'll kick him in the nuts. SERIOUSLY. It took us lots of walking up and down, finding the shops and pen. I thought I saw this one particularly good looking lad but its an unfortunate that he didn't even bother to smile. I hate those kind of people.

Taxis were hard. Didn't know whether they don't bother to come or it was bcause of the Jumaat prayer. THANKFULLY someone arrived with a taxi. We were waiting for the passenger to walk out so we walked slowly to the taxi and surprisingly an old guy (he was not that old to get our regard and let him take the cab for himself!) just let himself in the front. HOW RUDE WAS THAT? That was very impolite. Some people are just so rude and discourteous! No wonder we are 4th in the most discourteous countries list.

Arrived to Rifhan's house and it was already for sale. So there's no doubt that she is leaving. Well good luck to her.

Got home at 2, showered, solat, and doing mama's PhD work. AGAIN! ARGGHHHH!

Barack Obama

2008-12-11T22:48:00.003+08:00

The recent popular "celebrity" nowadays is Barack Obama right? Suddenly everyone starting singing and making videos about him. Have you heard the song called "We love Barack Obama" by The Hush Sound? Its damn funny...although some people (like EMMA) don't really get it. Hahaha then you should watch the video in Youtube where Hilary Clinton is wearing old woman's lingerie and having those high briefs. They do all this dodgy sex positions and automatically made Rihanna's Umbrella song "more popular".

Oh yeah, I was being sarcastic. Hahaha.

love,
Ayesya Johan :D

Bencana Alam

2008-12-10T20:17:00.005+08:00

Aku sangat marah sekarang ni. I just saw the news (honestly, I hardly listen to news) about this Jane Doe mendakwa this certain pihak about calling her stupid for buying the house in that area. Logically lah kan, siapa yang bodoh?

Penduduk yang beli rumah tuh,
Pihak contructor yang membotakkan hutan?
Atau pihak atasan yang develop the lands?

You can think for yourself. Dulu, masa semua penduduk Melawati sibuk buat petition ada pihak atasan bother about it? I remembered that I signed those petitions almost at 4 different places. Dulu ada sesiapa kisah pasal landslides? Or global warming? Sekarang bila dah jadi baru sibuk nak fikir solutions. All of them are stupid. They're so many spaces in Malaysia kenapa they aim for the hills and build those huge houses? Bukan semua orang mampu beli pon. If they were kenapa ada abandoned buildings??! Stupid. Memang bodoh.

They blame the rain. Hujan lebat. MALAYSIA memang lah hujan lebat kan?! tak belajar geografi ke? They should realise that before they do this all construction. Alasan terhebat, we need to develop our country. Please think. Other country ada yg lebih kecil dari kita but they can still be a developed country and still concern about their environment. Kita pulak? Masih lagi digelar developing country eventhough dah dekat satu negara dia botakkan. Have you guys ever thought about it?

Dah terjatuh baru terngadah. Memang bodoh. Sekarang baru lah ramai yang sibuk nak jadi environmentalist. Macam masa angkasawan Malaysia yang pertama dulu. Kenapa kita perlu ikut orang? Kenapa bila sesuata dah terjadi baru kita sibuk nak berubah?

Susah ke nak buang sampah? Susah ke nak stop open burning? Susah ke nak reduce usage of electricity? Our counrty may be popular because of the busy, colourful nights and talls buildings we have, tapi tolong lah realise. We can't be New York. We don't need to brainstorm how to go through the international fashions or make sure we have the best singers in the world. Jepun for example. They have more people than us. The technology are far much more advanced than ours! and they cycle everywhere. Kita pulak baru sibuk nak guna LRT and find alternative fuel lepas dah 50% lautan Malaysia kita rosakkan dengan tumpahan minyak. Bodoh tak?
Other countries dah solve their environmental problems by create their own major companies of recycling. Kita pulak sibuk tentang berapa ribu artis tu dapat untuk mas kahwin. Bodoh kan?

Wait and see, anak cucu kita mungkin tak akan kenal pokok tuh apa.

Aidiladha

2008-12-10T19:10:00.005+08:00

Aidiladha tahun ni rasa macam cepat sangat. The more the merrier kan? It is indeed. Raya seronok dekat rumah Omi, eventhough tak tolong untuk food preparation (relax lah, I do it every year. Miss a year takpe kan) tapi seronok dengan gelagat budak-budak. Aku kena belajar our family signature dish ASAP lah. Sekarang nih baru tau nak buat sotong, kuah still belum belajar. KETUPAT SOTONG. This is the food that makes everyone hurries to Keramat so they won't run out. Teruk sangat sampaikan each person only gets 4 pieces of sotong supaya adil and semua orang dapat makan! IMAGINE!! For those yang tak tahu, Version Kelantan nih is the sweet one. Kuah dia manis and some people (like my sis-in-law) langsung tak biasa makan sebab version orang Pahang bukan yang manis punya. Things are becoming clearer nowadays since Abg J tak lagi avoide us and join the family gathering. Just sadly abah still merajuk. Mama ngan papa tak pakai baju raya (serious geram) aku pulak beria pakai baju kurung baru. Nasib baik all the girls cousins pakai lawa gila nak mati. Hahaha

Aren't they sweet? Cause they're not even siblings! :D

2008-12-08T03:17:00.004+08:00

I don't write beautiful stories, neither imaginations nor meaningful quotes that happens to motivate 1 in every 10 person in the world. Out of nowhere, I suddenly realise why I appreciate candid pictures more than a real portrait. Here's FOR ME, why

they show that you're so happy without to get ready for the moment to be captured and pretend it's such a lovely time you're having.

Insanity approached
ayesya

terlupa

2008-12-08T03:05:00.003+08:00

its actually a year and 10 months ++ (serious macam nak promote buffet)

oh yeah, sakit hati. sebab just had an argument and i don't give a damn who's fault is it. One simple thing I know, he hurt me pretty bad.

SABRINA!!

Kotak Merah = Red Box = Karaoke = Melalak sampai naik gile

:) love the equation? I did it myself. Pretty smart huh?

*sorry, pukul 3 pagi nih jadi retarted sikit

lame dah

2008-12-07T23:18:00.004+08:00

memang dah lama sgt, sampaikan time bukak blogspot tadi berlambak blog updates especially from our 'wannabe drama queen' (she's not exactly tapi tak tahu nak nicknamed ape :P)

okay, dengan lafaz Bismillah (this will be the longest blog post that you will be ever reading in this public diary! I kinda start realising how gay this blog title is.)

From the beginning of the week,

I started packing, with lots of clothes (expecting my bro will bring me to somewhere I call fun) and 2 new Playstation Games for my niece (obviously me too). Guitar Hero 3 and some Shrek 3rd Carnival new game. I know! I know its lame that I just started playing Guitar Hero when the world has already named it as the best game ever! (please do watch Heidi Klum's ad about Guitar Hero on youtube. Damn amusing!) Get so addicted to it seriously. Although my time on ps is only at 1 o'clock in the morning cause I really don't want my niece coming to me and beg "Achu, boleh tak nak main 2 orang?" then "Achu, tak nak lagu nih, tak best". So I don't really get to put the volume on max. (DARN). Lepas tuh, I put on weight cause whenever my brother is around, I'll get to eat whatever I want cause he's my Mc'D-KFC-PizzaHut-SecretRecipe buddy :) so no one can't tell us apart sebab he's just as round as me. (yeah, laugh). He's losing weight though that makes me feel so excluded so now I have to lose weight too. Pressure tau tak! hahaha :D

Duduk rumah seminggu memang macam baby sitter, bangun awal, make breakfast for the lil madam, laundry, dishes, then lunch pulak, pastuh lipat kain later nak turun bawah main basikal. Before 7 rumah kena kemas sebab I really want to put some good impression towards my sis in law. I don't feel forced pon actually. Pernah one day tuh, I woke up at 11 am cause the night before I spent hours tapping on those joy stick main lagu 'Miss Murder by AFI'. Aku rasa bersalah gila. Aqilah was hungry and for the first time dia makan nasi sepinggan penuh!.

Expecting the baby sometime in February tapi aku harap 31st January! hahah. I think it would be Erman Zurry, abg chose nama nih. Zurry/Zuhri/Zurie wajib ada sebab family thing, you know. Kalau girl it would be An Zurie Adilla. That was my idea by the way. (big grin!) Yang kelakarnya, she would have the same initials as me. Now I don't think its such a good idea anymore. Haha! for me kan, the boys will be Ahmad-something starts with an F-pastuh Zuhry. Why? Cause 'Zuh' is from my 2nd brother's name (Zuhri and his son is Ali Zuhri) and the 'ry' is from my 1st brother. Fair kan? Yang girl obviously larh my own name. :D

Then we spent hours playing Jenga. Colourful ones and i think we score a record. (yeah, whatever! haha)
tuh jelah for this whole week. Opss! Dapat undergarments baru (stripessss!! love them! thank u kakak!) lagi? that's all kot. Oh yeah. Devastated sebab tak dapat ikut Emma ngn Sabrina pegi tgk Twilight, nvm next time lah k babes? Lagi?

OHH! Ahmad Fahmie mengigau tulis email yang very, umm..very.....nak cakap apa ek? oklah. Very romantically silly :D. For ages dah tak tulis something like that. and this is a special thanks to you, Atok.

For a year and 9 months, With all the tissues in my heart and liver also blood flows; you're amazingly special in all very weird and funny ways :)

DAH! tak nak jiwang dah! haha EMMA & SABRINA takyah nak ewww kat aku, time korang besok lagi parah padan muka! haha

Astonishingly missing school, and 'Bobby'
anzurieayesyaabujohan

sweet gile!

2008-11-28T14:32:00.003+08:00

today, actually yesterday. I got a very sweet text. I mean like from someone that I wouldn't think that she'd do that. BUT SHE DID!! Aku ngan Sabrina like OMG, ataupun nak exaggerate sikit, like OMFG! hahaha..

that is the thing that I would treasure the most :)

Grinning and Blushing,
Aza Johan :)

2008 history :)

2008-11-27T11:06:00.009+08:00

sumpah tahap kecuakan sekarang tahap maksima. Anything can happen within this week. Holidays sumpah bosan, kalau pergi sekolah boleh jadi gile2 lagi ngn emma & sab. Tuhlah rakan berdua yang banyak menggilakan diri mereka semenjak aku hadir. Hahaha :D

takdelah, aku yang paling gile, sewel dan bengong sebenarnya. ;P. Mereka nih kadang2 je. Bile darah tuh naik sampai atas kepala. Hahaha.

Rindu pulak nak gelak2 sambil main 'speed' ngan Yaya, macam kanak2 kan kami nih? Sebab Yaya main tipu, that's why asyik nak merajuk je. Oklarh daripada Si Kepeng yang menjadikan novel "Sepi Tanpa Cinta" karangan Damya Hanna sebagai bahu sandaran baginya untuk melepaskan ke'emo'an dia. Hahaha, that's the day when we're gonna remember for the days of our lives. And of course, new game that I just got introduced to, alamak! lupe nama dia. Oh yeah. SKIP-BO. I'm so bad at that kan korang?

Oh paling hebat! Pot-luck 4K! Why do i call it pot luck 4K? Cause we always make it at our class. 4K nih mcm tempat persinggahan semua kelas (S, E, L). Pot luck the best sebab kiteorg boleh makan everyone's speciality except aku taknak lah masak Lasagne every week kan? Haha. Duit pon save ohh! :D perut kenyang suke hati sebab berkat makan beramai2. Next year boleh buat lagi :)

SABRINA!! cepat balik then kite pegi bak kata emma; KOTAK MERAH!

holidays

2008-11-25T14:10:00.003+08:00

omg, tak tahu lah whether nak cakap bosan or actually fun but busy. Seriously, these holidays are full with activities, tuitions and definitely sleeping. Hahaha! in my dreams! I don't actually fullfilled my dreams of filling my day with snores (do I actually?) and hugging my beloved, fluffed 'Bobby'

We went to Fraser's Hill which really dissappointed me because the scenery was not exactly as beautiful as I hoped. The weather was okay, I missed the coldness of Dunedin, New Zealand so it actually make me feel I was back home in Bank Street :) Not to forget the way the apartment that we rented by the way they arrange the furnitures like exactly the home I was staying in NZ. Damn..

This is really not the story of holidays but I'm babbling about how much I miss Logan Park High School. The best school I have been to!

okay, back to Fraser's Hill. The place is pretty much during renovation so we didn't really have fun, I wanted to play Mini Golf but the service was so stupid that we have to wait for HOURS for the manager to come to us. So we decided we'll just go home and I laid into my blanket. Awweee I love the breeze.

Then came back here, so much laundry to do. So again, no sleep and no COMPUTER! ohh hell!
My niece is here, so to avoid her using the computer I have to sacrifice my own time. Oh well.

Add maths in the morning, so that's pretty much it. next week, helping my sis in law cooking and doing some chores coz she's on due giving birth in a month. And probably another niece! haha :D

Tired with baggy eyes,
Ayesya Johan :)

It's LIFE

2008-11-20T18:39:00.005+08:00

it has being great breathing and talking about the world that I share with human kinds, strangers or loved ones. Even my late hamster, Koko. To tell the truth I'm not actually a person that fully understands the real way the world revolves or how karma has to do with anything. One thing that I'm sure of that. We don't really get everything we want it to be.

I've made mistakes. Lots of biggies one too. but yet I don't tend to change. I have tried. I changed then I came to be the old bitch I was. I wish that things were a little different or what it's supposed to be call; do-over.

Being under a lot of pressure lately. I'm just counting hours for another disaster that I created myself, to be noticed in this house later on. Scared, shivers and sweats. You can say it all but it has happened and there are NO DORAEMON to present me a machine that enable us to go back to the past change undo what I did.

Tell me actually, what should I do?

Regretfully,

An-Zurie Ayesya

what friends mean to u?

2008-11-11T22:10:00.007+08:00

Referring to the Wikipedia (please do the Wiki2 dance);

FRIENDSHIP ; is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

For these few days, I have realized so much how friends are the most important thing in my life.
These weeks have been a completely amazing knowing that you have your friends around you whenever you look to your or staring up to the sky.

They are the treasures that GOD have given us to be with us when we're on top or we're down to the Earth after our family.

How do actually you call someone a friend? By knowing her/his name? By being in the same class? Or once they are your playmate, you call them friends. We hardly know what exactly the criteria needed to call someone a friend
but I do know for me, a friend is when I feel happy and sad at the same time, I giggle and laugh out loud even the joke was not actually funny and I cry and scream myself open without being embarrassed.

We try to be what our friends wanted us to be, that's being hypocrite. We feel ashamed that we're not as good as them, that's being stupid.

Friends accept you even if you have 3 eyes or 1 leg.

these are my friends, for me they're just not the people who I share my food with, or the people that I go to when I have problems, or just being there when we laugh. I would treasure them, I care for them, and honestly I love them.

I really would not trade them to anything.

sahabat, thanks for just being here. with me going through this life without knowing the end.
kawan-kawan, terima kasih atas kritikan, nasihat dan amarah korang, tanpa semua tuh, aku x menjadi diri aku sekarang.
walaupun tak kira sekejap atau pun lama persahabatan yg korg hulurkan, tapi cukup utk aku menyedari sesuatu yg paling berharga dlm hidup ini.

you are the best at what you are :D if anyone tell you to change yourself, KICK THEIR ASS!

guys, I'm sorry for everything, yg tersalah cakap, termakan dalam, terambik hati, ter emosional yg melampau.
mintak maaf on every single tiny thing that have happened.
thank you so much for all the honesty that you guys shared, the appreciation that you show and all the little details things that too much to be said.

halalkan makan minum aku, terambil ape2 dari korg, and aku harap korang sahabat aku selamanya.

I LOVE YOU GUYS :)

lastly, enjoy this song, Sahabat by Aizat

Virtual Villagers :)

2008-11-04T23:02:00.003+08:00

it has bee ages since my last post. Well, busy days or i could actually say weeks!
Exams are done for 2008, nothing much to be done now. I do enjoying spending my time watching movies by myself infront of the computers or playing games. well, not the kind of boys' games ie; Dota, Maple etc.

1 of the latest that i just currently finished (like 3 mins ago :D) is called Virtual Villagers.
It is a strategy game that we lead a tribe that consist of science and magic, I find it very interesting, indeed. It is a sequel game. For me, the first one is very boring, the second, which is called Virtual Villagers 2: The Lost Children is not bad, while the 3rd one, VV3: The Secret City is the best among all.
You can try it out at www.virtualvillagers.com and if you do find certain of the puzzles are quite hard, you can go to jayisgames.com to take a look at the solution. This is one of my latest pictures.

bulan Syawal

2008-09-28T12:08:00.007+08:00

Alhamdulillah, bulan Syawal bakal tiba dalam beberapa hari lagi. Kemeriahan disana-sini mula dirasakan dgn kehadiran dendangan lagu raya, yg sedih mahupun melonjak gembira..

malahkan, kami di kelas turut sama mengeluarkan anak tekak utk turut menjiwai keriangan Aidilfitri..haha! tak sangka ramai yang tampil melalak bersama!

Kesibukan lebih pada tahun ini, dgn keseronokan menekap kueh tart! "pinetarT" tak disangka sambutan yg agak memuaskan drpd teman2 terutamanya Azzahra yg menunjukkan keobsesan terhadap "pinetart" ku.. (cube sebut laju2, msti terkejut!) Alhamdulillah setakat nih tiade sape yg complaint dgn rase atau tekstur pine tart nih.. :)

nihlarh rupenye..mula2 nk main2 sahaja. seronok pulak rasanya.

arinih mahu cube kuih laen. xtau larh name die ape. kami just maen bantai jerk recipe. and it turn out to be so good looking and bootiful!

tapi kan, this one is very sweet, sesuai tuk kids and childrens especially azzahra! hahaha

my kitchen plak looks like this..so bersepah kan?
hahaha..my face pon penuh ngn tepung! :)

baju raya semua pon dah beli, harituh pergi shopping kat jj ngn they all, yaya, nina, emma, and fieza. pastuh terserempak ngn imah kat situ. got a ride from her mom, thank u auntie!

Meriahnye suasana hari raya. tapi pernah x tertanya? apa sebenarnya definisi hari raya? keseronokan mendapat baju baru? kebebasan utk makan makanan yg enak2 atau utk mendapat cuti panjang dari sekolah ataupon IPT mahupun mana2 universiti.

bagi aku, kemeriahan Aidilfitri ini kurang ceria dari tahun2 sebelumnya ketika aku masih kecil, kini, ku fahami penderitaan sesetengah pihak yg kurang mampu utk menyambut Bulan yg dirahmati ALLAH ini dgn meriah, penuh dgn baju baru serta set perabot yg diperbaharui. bagi mereka, cukuplah utk melihat kedua ibu bapa, suami/isteri tercinta, cahaya2 mata dan rezeki dan umur yg dipanjangkan oleh TUHAN YANG MAHA ESA.

sungguh, ketika mendengar lagu raya yg menyentuh hati, ku terbayang, kesusahan para keluarga yg ditunjuk oleh TV3 "BersamaMu". Ku terbayang anak2 yatim yg beraya di rumah2 bakti, ku terkenang warga emas yg merayakan Aidilfitri tanpa anak2 yg telah mereka besarkan tanpa sebarang rungutan.

Doa ku hanya satu, moga tahun ini membawa berkat dan perubahan ke arah yg lebih optimistik kepada semua malah diriku sendiri.

Buat teman2 yg jauh di mata, ku susun 10 jari memohon kemaafan atas kelekaanku yg selalu lupa utk menghubungi mu,

Khairun, Madiha, Athira, Ain, Ummairah dan Ain, Bujo, Syed Aidarus, Syakir.. ku doakan bahawa Aidilfitri mu sentiasa di rahmati ALLAH S.W.T
moga ALLAH panjangkan persahabatan kita.